The First Million Words

I've moved

2009-11-11T14:05:00.002-06:00

My blog is all grown up now and has its own URL. Please change any bookmarks, feedreaders, etc. to the new domain: http://www.myfirstmillionwords.com/

All of these posts and comments have been moved over there. This site will no longer be updated.

See you over there, hopefully with actual real content on a more regular basis.

It's time for things to change

2009-10-13T13:27:00.001-05:00

It's time for things to change. Something has to give. I can't go on like this anymore. Keep watching this space for details.

I just re-read that before hitting "publish post". Nothing life threatening or anything, so don't worry. Good change, but change none-the-less.

Life Changes - the next update

2009-02-11T14:56:00.001-06:00

In a previous post I discussed the status of some major life changes going on in my life.

There have been many changes since then. First of all, it was the 4 week mark on my new job and I was loving it. Well, I made it 6 weeks. At that point they laid off over 50% of the company. The group of 8 developers I was part of lost 6 plus our manager. The only two that stayed were the team lead and another developer that were working on that last killer feature needed for version 1 of the product. Their emergency backup funding sources had suddenly dried up. The owners, who broke the news themselves, seemed shell-shocked. That was Nov. Since then they found just enough funding from other sources to get to their first release. They will need to get a certain number of subscribers to continue past that point. They have until October, 2009 to hit that goal. At this point they have not increased staff at all and in fact have decreased just a little more as a few people have left the company for other jobs since it has become so uncertain there.

In less than 2 weeks I was back to work at my prior employer (before the startup), doing the same kind of thing but in a different development group than before. Everyone seems happy to have me back. That is a nice feeling.

As for the house - we received an offer and are now in the closing period. We hope to be moved in the new (old) house by mid-March. We will own the new house free and clear - no mortgage at all. A very comforting feeling in this time of economic turmoil.

On the writing front - well, what's that saying about best laid plans and stuff? I really hope to start writing more. I want to. And trying to get it going again with the whole upheaval of moving is probably a bad idea. But, I'm doing it anyway. Away I go.

Really hitting home...

2008-10-15T10:55:00.001-05:00

I've been reading Anne Jackson's blog Flowerdust for a couple of months now. Found it via Mark Lee (of Third Day) and the Deadly Viper blog. I've really been enjoying it. I recommend it highly and will add it to the blogroll very soon.

Today she has a post up that really struck home with me. It's right on the mark, and it discusses when her faith moved from her head to her heart. At least that's the way it seems to me. I don't know her at all, nor have I ever met her, but my interpretation of the story in that post is about that event in her life.

This is the part that inspired me to take time at my office to go to my personal blog and write this post:

there is no excuse for us not to love - and therefore act - on behalf of those without. without food, water, healthcare, or freedom. the bible does not give us an option. we are told over and over again what we need to do, but we get lost in our burden of wealth and we forget.

we compartmentalize “poverty” and “injustice” as causes and don’t integrate serving those trapped in them in our minute-by-minute living, as our continual act of worship.

She then promotes blog action day and emphasizes the action. She suggests Compassion International, which is a fine organization. I personally support World Vision, but toMAYto, toMAHto as they say.

Go check out the post. And add her to your feed reader or whatever you use to track blogs. Trust me, it's worth your time.

Life changes - an update

2008-10-15T09:11:00.001-05:00

A little status update on my major life changes mentioned in prior posts. Everything is moving forward in a positive manner.

First, on the job front: I got an offer from that other company. This is my 4th week there. I get to work with some old friends again, which is great, and I have work to do that doesn't bore me to tears. I'm actually excited to get to work in the morning. The environment is great. The work is fun. Maybe one day I can talk about it, but right now it's under NDA. One thing is for sure, nothing will get your adrenaline going like starting a job at a startup at the same time the market is tanking.

On the house front: We are definitely moving forward. We are now listed for sale, and should be able to get exactly what we need to close the other deal. God is good all the time. All the time God is good. It is really amazing how this whole situation has worked out. There are all kinds of behind-the-scenes details that I can't go into here that have just fallen into place and is helping this whole thing move forward.

Life looks positive in all areas right now. Praise the Lord!

More great writing resources

2008-08-26T20:49:00.001-05:00

This is slowly becoming a holding place for things I want to read about writing, and possibly even implement, but haven't gotten to yet. I must do something about that.

But first, the new links. In his latest post, Wil Wheaton talks about writing, how he's working through stretching and growing his writing muscles, and gives some links to some good writer blogs and a couple of good posts about writing.

So, the links:
Writing lessons I wish I'd learned the easy way and
Blog Vs. Book.

I plan to read these. I even plan to read #2 NOW.

A lot of change going on - Part II

2008-08-26T06:44:00.001-05:00

First, an update on Part I - interview process continues. Today is the 3rd interview, and one of the interviewers will be the V.P. of Engineering. I feel like the process has gone well so far and that I'll probably get an offer later this week.

As for the other major change going on - we are working towards moving to a small town outside of the metropolitan area I live in now. It will change my commute to work from about 15 miles to about 50 miles. But the good part is that I can pay cash for the house using the equity I have in my current home. Additionally we'd be closer to some of my family. We'd also get an older home, which is something my wife has always wanted. Now we just have to go through all the work of getting our house ready to sell. This kind of has my stomach tied up in knots. I'm actually feeling kind of nauseated as I sit here and type this.

Updates coming.....

A lot of change going on - Part I

2008-08-12T20:46:00.001-05:00

I've got a lot of change going on in my life. Or at least the potential for a lot of change coming up. What kind of change you ask? Well, sit right down there and I'll tell you.

First, I have a job interview this Friday. I'm both excited about it and dreading it at the same time.

I'm excited about it because it is a programming job at a company where 2 of my good friends work. I've worked with them both in the past - in fact, the 3 of us have even worked together - and I really enjoy working with them. Also it sounds like they are both having fun working there. And from what they could tell me about the project (they are under an NDA as the project is pre-release), it sounds like I'd enjoy it too. I'd get to learn some new stuff. Work in an area that is both familiar to me (web development), but also new to me (PHP programming). Plus its in a different industry than I'm working in now. Lots to look forward to there.

I am somewhat dreading it because I don't like the interview process. Never have, never will. That's at least one reason I've only had 3 jobs in the last 20 years. It takes a lot to make me unhappy enough to go through the interview process and look for something else. But I'm at that point at my current job. No matter how hard I try to focus and do the work, I simply struggle with it. I am completely bored by it. I haven't learned anything new in the last 3-4 years. I know our product inside and out, and even though new development is going on using newer technologies like Microsoft's dotNet, I haven't gotten moved on to that new development. I'm enhancing and maintaining the older existing code base. And I've learned the hard way that if I'm not challenged I'm bored.

The thing that has kept me there, and also has me dreading this potential job change, is the people I work with. I have some good friends there. I really enjoy being around most of the people I work with. And even though the work may bore me, at least I'm around people I enjoy. Will I even like the people I work with at the new place - besides those two friends of mine that already work there? I have no idea.

--- to be continued ---

Poor Olympic Timing

2008-08-12T15:56:00.000-05:00

I haven't watched more than, say, 30 minutes of the Olympics since they started last Friday. Why? Because every time I turn them on it's gymnastics. I'm not big on the gymnastics. I read blog posts, twitter messages, IMs, etc. from people talking about seeing the swimming, the soccer, even the fencing and badminton. Why is it that those things aren't on when I watch? Why is it always gymnastics? Why? Seriously?

And the Chinese female gymnasts are 16? They're as much 16 as I have anyone reading this blog.

UPDATE: I finally got to see some of that fancy Phelps swimming tonight. Now gymnastics is on again. D'OH!

Writing about writing and actually writing

2008-08-11T21:38:00.001-05:00

Good stuff I found tonight. Noted for future reference.

John Scalzi's tips on writing:
Whatever: Writing Tips for Non-Writers Who Don't Want to Work at Writing

An idea for content for my site. I like to read, after all.
Words For Words

Never Let Go

2008-08-11T20:14:00.002-05:00

You may or may not have heard of the David Crowder Band. If not, they are a praise and worship band. Now, praise & worship music, and the bands that perform such, is not typically my preferred listening. It's typically simple, basic music. When you need several hundred people to learn a new song instantly on Sunday morning, that's actually a good thing. But the David Crowder Band is different. These guys are all excellent musicians. And they bring a level of complexity to the typical praise and worship music that both make it a joy to listen to and also a true, worshipful experience.

Recently I've had one of their songs stuck on repeat on my iPod. As in I listen to it, and before the iPod can change to the next song I make it repeat. I have at times listened to it 10-15 times before moving on to the next song, and typically after a song or two will back up to it. I just can't get enough of it. Maybe God is trying to drill a lesson into my head. But if so, that's kind of scary - what bad thing is on the horizon?

Here is a YouTube video someone posted that puts up the lyrics while the song plays. I had found another from a church that they had created for a worship service, but in the time since I found it and could post it (several days) it had been taken down by the poster. Give this a listen and see if you can only listen to it once.

Update on Compromise

2008-07-23T20:49:00.001-05:00

In my last post I talked about No Compromise. Have I held firm? Well, being a sinner, of course not.

I've developed a fairly regular habit of morning Bible reading and quiet time.

I've compromised greatly on morning exercise.

I've compromised on spending my evening time on reading and learning.

I've spent more time focusing on the eternal rather than the here-and-now.

I've got more work to do, but I've made some progress as well.

I've also been reading a great book. Great not as in a great work of literature, but great as in a moving, inspirational read. I'm almost done, so a review will be coming soon. Stay tuned.

No Compromise

2008-07-10T06:54:00.001-05:00

Last week I went along (as I do every summer) on our church's high school youth group mission trip as an adult leader. No exciting international trips for us - there's plenty to do around here (USA) - plenty of people in need. We went a few states east, into a rural area in the mountains, and painted houses. We use a mission trip organization that has a regular presence in these communities. Once they get established in a community, they stay. They are there every summer, year after year, and sometimes they even have staff living in the town the rest of the year. Along with managing the work projects and other logistics, they also plan content for the early mornings and evenings bracketing the work day.

There is a morning devotional time and an evening worship time. And they always have a theme for the week. Honestly, I don't even recall the theme this year because I came away with my own theme. I came away realizing just how many areas in my life I've been compromising. And I didn't like it. So while thinking through this on the drive home, I decided now was the time for a change. From now on, No Compromise. This doesn't mean forcing my will on others, but rather stopping compromise in areas that I have possibly compromised my faith or beliefs. Less going along with the crowd and more standing up for what I believe in. I wonder how this will work out.

The Continuing Commute Saga

2008-06-13T09:22:00.001-05:00

I swear this won't be a constant topic here. This post, and maybe one or two more as part of the analysis of this grand experiment, then I'll STFU. Promise.

So day two of the train/coworker commute. So far a win.

Getting to and from work for 2 days and only putting 8 miles on my vehicle? WIN!

Leaving my travel mug full of coffee at the train stop where I transfer? FAIL

Oh, well, I've saved enough in 2 days to almost buy a new travel mug. So far, break even.

Commute update

2008-06-12T09:02:00.001-05:00

So yesterday I was complaining about the commute thing at lunch, and a coworker mentioned he literally drove by the last train station I mentioned in my other post. And as my projected commute time would put me at that station not too far off from when he would be passing by, he said that he'd be glad to stop and pick me up and drop me there on the way home. Nice. So that would turn an hour bus ride into about a 20 min car ride. We tried it today and it worked pretty well. I think I'll be able to do this about 3-4 days a week. There is a day or two every week I'll have to have my car, but otherwise I think this will work.

We'll see how it goes and I'll let you know.

GAS!

2008-06-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

Gas prices are crazy! Not as crazy where I live as other places, but there isn't a great public transportation infrastructure where I live either, so it kind of balances out.

For example, I spent some time trying to work out how to get from my home to my office via the local public transportaton. It is 17 miles (+/- 1 mile or so depending on route) from my house to my office.

If I go purely on the bus part of the system, then it is a 2.5 hour trip one way. Yes, 2.5 hrs, including 2 transfers. It's because some of the suburbs around here tightly restrict what roads the buses can use and that greatly reduces the amount of routes available.

If I drive 2-3 miles to the closes light rail station, then it's about 45 mins by train then about an hour by bus. I have to take a train southwest so I can get on a train to go north. After going north for a bit, I get ona bus and go west (while going north and south on the way), but at least there are no bus transfers.

So, why not telecommute? Very good question. I have broadband at home, my office provides VPN access, and I have done it occasionally when meeting repairmen, or doing some overtime. I get way more done because I've reduced the drive-by office interruptions. But it won't ever be a M-F, 9-5 kind of thing. Won't be allowed. The owner of our company got his MBA in the 60's and has that old-school attitude of "If you're not at your desk, you're not at work". Ok. Whatevs.

Oh, and the real kicker here? My vehicle gets about 15-16 MPG city driving on my standard commute route. So it takes a gallon to get to work and a gallon to get home. ~8.00 a day to commute.

I need a new job.

I'm Just Sayin' #1

2008-06-04T16:17:00.001-05:00

This is the inaugural post of a new section of this blog - I'm Just Sayin'. You'll figure it out as we go along.

Today in IJS....

So Monday a coworker offered to pick something up for me at a store she was going by on the way home and bring it in Tuesday. She was going there anyway, and it would be out of the way for me, so she offered to pick up what I needed. I took her up on the offer. They informed me that it wasn't a certainty that she'd actually get to the store, so she'd call me on the way to work Tuesday morning and let me know for sure that she had gotten said item.

Well, Tuesday morning came. I had decided to pick up the new Journey album so I left home a little earlier than usual. I did my commute and my stop along the way, taking about an hour in total. All this time I got no call, and I arrived at the office after the time she told me she usually got there, so I never stopped by the ATM to get any cash to repay her. Oh, I was informed that was no problem at all and the next day was fine, yadda, yadda, yadda. Great.

The next day (today), I stop by the ATM and bring in money. I'm in my chair at my desk all of about 5 minutes, and not fully caffeinated, when she passes by and on her way says "Do you have my money yet?". Well, I semi-lost it. I mean really! First of all I said I would have it. Second, I'd been at work all of maybe 5 minutes. I'd barely gotten Outlook running, much less gotten through email or even spoken to anyone else at the office. On top of that, there is basically an unwritten rule around here that people shouldn't interact with me before 9:30-10:00 A.M. This person has been here long enough (almost as long as me) to know better. Also, please - she sits maybe 3 cubes away from me. As soon as I figure out which end is up I'll go see her and pay her back. Does she really have to go all mafioso on me and come asking for payment? I guess I should just shut up and be happy that she didn't ask for any interest. GEEZ!

Just proves the philosophy I live by - don't loan out anything you can't afford to lose. Make a loan (even an implied one as in this case) and be prepared to never see whatever it is again. If you get it back (or get repaid), then that's a bonus.

I'M JUST SAYIN'

Don't Stop Believin'

2008-06-04T10:52:00.004-05:00

What a cliche title. I almost went back and changed it to something else, but I'm trying to practice that discipline of "just write and leave it alone" (my own words). Eh, oh well.

So I broke down and bought the new Journey CD yesterday. "A Walmart Exclusive! (tm)". Yes, that Journey. Oh, haven't you heard? They found a new lead singer that sounds just like Steve Perry. But better, in my opinion, but I'll get to that later. The new lead singer is Arnel Pineda from the Philippines and he's had a very storied life to this point. And how did they find him? Youtube, of course! Not some stupid "Replace Steve Perry" reality show, but Youtube. CBS Sunday Morning did a great piece on him this last Sunday. Check it out (courtesy Youtube, of course!):

Very inspiring story, don't you agree? Well, that plus the fact that the Walmart Exclusive! (tm) was a 3 disc set for 11.88 compelled me to get one. I have caved to the "gotta have it" pressure.

The 3 disc set contains the following:
Disc 1: New material written by the original band (minus Steve Perry) and recorded by the new lineup. 11 songs.
Disc 2: The classic Journey hits rerecorded by the new lineup - the original band plus Arnel Pineda. 11 songs.
Disc 3: A DVD that is a video of their first concert together - the new lineup, that is. In Las Vegas. In March.

So I get the set on the way to work yesterday. First thing I do is open it up, then stick in disc 2. Yes, disc 2. Why? Because Journey (the great years) was part of the soundtrack to my life during high school and college. I wanted to hear the new old stuff before hearing the new new stuff. I fire up iTunes and proceed to "import" the CD. Interesting side note here: When iTunes went and got the track names, 2 of them had typos in them. Does anyone know what service iTunes uses for track names? "Importing" complete, I then stick in disc 1. Oh, nice! iTunes can't find ANY track names for disc 1! Do I want to import anyway? Yes, and I'll go manually edit them in later. AARRGGHH!!

So I crank up disc 2 and listen to a couple of tracks. Now, mind you, this is at work so there are plenty of interruptions. I get through 1 song, and partly through another. Then the interruptions start. Both visitors and IM. I manage to get through most of the rest of the new stuff here and there over the morning. Stupid job. But anyway, so far I'm liking what I'm hearing. In my current iTunes collection I have Journey's Greatest Hits. Done by the original lineup. Naturally, some of the same songs are on both discs. I hesitated just a minute before typing this, but actually I like the new singer better than Steve Perry. I can actually make out lyrics I couldn't make out before. I know this will bring out the haters, but I have to say this new lineup makes me happy that Steve Perry is being a brat and refusing to talk to the band (see CBS Sunday Morning story above).

That afternoon, I get to disc 1. As a review I read in the NY Times (thanks, bugmenot!) said (paraphrased), if you're a Journey fan, then you'll like this. And they're right - pretty classic Journey stuff. Then I hit the song "What It Takes To Win" and heard the line "There is no I in TEAM". aarrgghh. FAIL!

So, in a nutshell, what are my thoughts?

Disc 1 - 3 out of 5 stars. Considering a 2 simply because of the line "There is no I in TEAM".
Disc 2 - 4 out of 5 stars. Leaning to 5, actually, because of how much more I like the new singer.
DVD - Not yet viewed. I will update this post with a rating for it and an overall rating when I get a chance to view the DVD.

The nutshell of the nutshell?
If you were a Journey fan back in the day, then this is well worth the 11.88 for the Walmart Exclusive! (tm). Except for having to both shop at and financially support Walmart. But that is for another post.

If you're not a Journey fan from back in the day, but are even interested, I'd say for all this content it is still worth 11.88. But what do I know. I'm writing this review for free, without even any links to anything that'll give me a kickback if you buy something.

Discipline, or the lack thereof

2008-05-30T22:37:00.001-05:00

I always considered myself a disciplined person. And lately that self-discipline has left me. I've literally spent the last 3 months telling myself every week (and sometimes mid-week) that this next week was when I was going to start getting up early in the mornings and doing my walk for exercise. A 40 minute brisk walk around my neighborhood. I have absolutely no reason to not do it other than pure laziness. I need to do it. I know I need to do it. But somehow, at 5:30 a.m., I can talk myself out of having to start today. Yeah, I can just start tomorrow, I say to myself. That'll still leave me X months (now down to X days) until I have to go on my mission trip and actually be physically active for 5 straight days, all day long.

I've also completely blown my personal discipline of reading the Bible every morning. For years I did it. And I know how a big impact it has on my life. It improves my attitude on a daily basis. It also helps me keep my priorities in line. It reminds me that the world is really watching me to see if I have that deep-seated happiness that Christians supposedly have.

I can't go back and redo the past days where I didn't start back on my old routine. But I can try again to restart it. Maybe by writing about it and knowing others know about it will help.

Nah, probably not. That snooze button is just too easy to hit.

Great afternoon

2008-05-25T21:29:00.001-05:00

Just had one of the greatest afternoons I've had in quite some time. I went to the the pub I mentioned in a past post. Some friends of mine were there - well, friends and friends of friends. Not only did I have a couple of good beers and hang out with some friends, but I also got to play Monopoly! Yes, I won ultimately, but that wasn't it. For most of the game I was way behind and pretty much classified myself as out, and was having a good time anyway. Great afternoon.

Then I come home, and my wife whips up a selection of snack food type stuff - hummus, pita bread, tortilla chips, salsa, grapes, and store-bought brownies. We retreated to the patio and snacked for dinner. Was outstanding.

Right now, life is good. Tuesday, back to work.

Job Satisfaction

2008-05-22T19:15:00.002-05:00

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 54%

Well, you don't have the worst job in the world, but it's not great.

And don't worry, you're not the problem - your company is.

Start looking around for another job, even if you're not totally fed up.

Because in time, you're going to be dying to quit!

Should You Quit Your Job?

When is a download not a download?

2008-05-15T10:34:00.001-05:00

So in an earlier post I mentioned buying tickets for an awesome tour that will be hitting my city this fall. The tour is the Music Builds tour. The show will be awesome.

Like all the bands seem to be doing these days, there is a presale that requires a password to get in. But the password is published everywhere, so of what real value is it to call it a presale, etc? On this show, however, they added a pre-presale for members of the band's fan clubs. That got me to join the Third Day fanclub. Just so I could get tickets where I wanted in advance of the presale (which is in advance of the regular sale. Whatever).

Anyway, as part of doing the pre-presale, they promised a 4 song download - one song from each band. I went poking around last night trying to find my download link. I looked at the fan club website, the ticket seller's website (musictoday.com - no link because their "service charges" are too high), and searched the email they sent me when I purchased. I couldn't find anything about it. So I emailed the support address at musictoday and asked about it. They sent me the following response:

The 4 free digital downloads will be sent to your email address in the following weeks.

Is that really a download if they send them to me in the "following weeks"?

I think if other things in my life weren't frustrating me so much right now, this probably wouldn't bother me at all. But right now it really bugs me.

A prayer

2008-05-15T07:57:00.001-05:00

This morning, on another blog I read (sorry, can't link to it - it's private and you couldn't get in anyway), this person was venting about how they want to do more things and yet feel totally stifled. And they even love their job. At the end was this person's prayer for today. I think I'll print it out and put it somewhere in my car so I see it and say it every day on the way to work. It went a little something like this:

Lord, help me be content with who I am and what I'm doing...but most importantly...with what You're doing with me right where I am. Whew, and Amen.

I really don't think it's coincidence that I read that blog this morning. I happened to open up the laptop before going to work (which I'm trying not to do these days as it just delays my departure) and noticed in my feed reader a new post on this blog. Went to read it, and ta-da, found that prayer. Exactly what I needed to see today as I sat here contemplating calling in sick and trying to justify it in my head as I'm not actually sick.

Wait, I need to say it again:

Lord, help me be content with who I am and what I'm doing...but most importantly...with what You're doing with me right where I am. Whew, and Amen.

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go..........

Time for a job change

2008-05-14T22:18:00.001-05:00

I made a HUGE mistake yesterday. Well, a mistake in one sense, but not in another. You see, I took a vacation day yesterday. Yes, on a Tuesday. Some friends who I hadn't seen in a couple years were in town, and yesterday was the only day we could all get together. So I took a vacation day and spent the day with them. By mid-afternoon we all went our separate ways. But it was great seeing them and catching up with them.

So what was the mistake? Taking a day off in the middle of the week. Not because there was tons of work waiting for me, but because it just solidified how much I hate my current job. Weekends, even with a day added for vacation or holiday aren't as bad. Maybe it's the multiple days off that ease the pain. You know, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or takes the edge off. Or something.

But taking a day off in the middle of the week makes it worse, by far. Leaving Monday after spending the day thinking about how much I hated my job, to have a GREAT day off seeing old friends, then back at the hated job. A recipe for bad attitude.

I love the people I work with. And the job isn't that miserable. Probably lots of people would love to have it. But at this point I am BORED! Same old thing. Not challenged anymore. Not learning anything new. If I'm not learning new stuff, or at least somewhat challenged, I get bored. Then I get frustrated. So that's definitely this situation. Frustration.

I need to find a new JOB. But I have some benefits to my current situation that I don't want to lose. Like a fairly flexible schedule. Decent manager. Good coworkers. Etc. So I've started putting the word out to friends in the business, especially that have worked with me and know my skills, that I'm interested in looking around. Hopefully that'll work out.

Sitting at the pub

2008-05-11T15:42:00.001-05:00

It's ae i gorgeous afternoon at the pub. My favorite pub that I mentioned in the post below. 'm sitting on the upstairs deck, enjoying a fine Haufbrau Maibock. Sitting at a table under a tree so I have "scattered sunlight". It's about 70 degrees outside. Beautiful.

I absolutely love days like this. Sunshine, cool breeze, a good beer, a deck. These days are too few and far between.

Ooops, look at that. Time to head down to the bar for another beer. What will it be this time?

Update: It's Boulevard Irish Ale this time. Hadn't had it before. A friend of mine, who's taste in beer I trust, likes it. After a couple of sips, it's so-so, but maybe it'll grow on me. We shall see.

As I sit up here on the upstairs deck, I hear laughter below. A group of four guys are on the downstairs back deck. All I can hear is the background sound of conversation, then occasionally all 4 of them will break out in laughter. A cacophony of laughter. I don't know which one of them is the funny one, or if all 4 of them are. Can't see them from here.
sua
Laughter. One of the things I really like to hear from other people. And one of the things I try to elicit from people I'm hanging out with. They usually laugh. Hopefully it's usually with me and not at me. Maybe one day I'll know for sure.

I love that (part 2)

2008-05-09T08:10:00.001-05:00

I love that Third Day, one of my favorite bands ever, is going on tour this fall and coming to my city. The last couple of tours have missed us. I love that the show will be them, and Switch Foot, and Jars of Clay. I love that they are partnering and sharing proceeds with Habitat for Humanity. I love that there is a presale for fan club members only today, and the public presale isn't until next week. I love that my beautiful bride likes these bands too and will go to this show with me.

I love that....

2008-05-06T21:04:00.001-05:00

I love that feeling when I'm sitting on the outdoor patio at (one of) my favorite pubs around 6:00 p.m. or so. I love that the same waitress sees me coming and starts the Guinness pour for me before I even order, because she knows what I want. I love that 3 or 4 other people at the bar in the main room smile and wave, or say hello, because they've seen me here before and they recognize me. I love that I can take a book, sit and read, and not be disturbed until the glass is empty because that waitress I mentioned knows she doesn't have to check on me. I love that if I don't bring a book, there are other regulars there to chat with. I love that pub.

(inspired by the writing prompt at First 50 Words)

Inspiration needed

2008-05-02T08:05:00.002-05:00

I need more sources for inspiration for writing topics. I sit here, trying to do my 10 minutes today, watching the clock tick, and all I can think about is how much later I'm going to get to work. Well, there goes my one day record at getting to work early (for me). Fortunately with the flexible hours we have it isn't a bad thing, it just means I have to stay there later or feel guilty when I leave at the regular time.

Why do I struggle so hard to find things to write about? Is it that I am just trying to hard? Or does it mean I should give up on this dream of writing? I don't necessarily mean writing professionally, just writing. Does everyone struggle with this?

Maybe I should try just posting about regular stuff I find interesting rather than always trying to make it about some personal story. I'll have to think about that.

I never dreamed

2008-04-30T07:58:00.002-05:00

(from First 50 Words)

I never dreamed that I wouldn't be a congressman by now. Or at least working in Washington for a congressman. I had always been interested in politics. I remember lying in bed as a child and listening to the election returns when Jimmy Carter won the election to be President of the United States. I think I even cried a little, since I didn't want him to win. Through high school and college, and even into my early adult working life, I remember having discussions with other male friends of mine. They were all into watching sports all the time. My argument always made the case that no matter what sports team won a certain contest, their life would not be any different the next day. Politics, on the other hand, were different. One election or one bill passing Congress could have a devastating effect on their quality of life. It was important to monitor what the government was doing and contact your congressmen with your opinion. I wanted to be elected to congress because there I could really impact people's lives.

The first vacation I went on with my wife after we were married, other than our honeymoon, was to visit some relatives of hers that lived in the Washington D. C. area. We had a couple of days to ourselves to explore Washington, and I called up my congressman's office asking for any sort of tour or anything that they could arrange. It was last minute and I wasn't expecting much. Well, to my surprise, they got me access to the floor of the House (which wasn't in session). I got to walk around the floor and even sit in some of the chairs. I was absolutely thrilled. Sounds like a sports fan getting access to a team's locker room when they're not there, right? I was convinced that one day I would be there for real.

Well, over time my priorities have definitely shifted. Instead of feeling compelled to change people's lives through government action I now feel compelled to change people's lives because of the changes Christ has made in me. I don't go door to door and ask people "where will you go if you die tonight" or anything. That is not my style. I use as my personal guide a saying of St. Francis of Assisi - "Spread the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words." I just do things for people. They need help - I provide. Whatever it is. Help you move to a new house? Done. Need your grass mowed? Done. Need a ride somewhere? Done. Need someone to just sit and listen? Done - though it is difficult for me to do that without trying to provide a solution to the problem. I'm working on that. But out of that I hope they see the light of Christ in me, and ask me why I do the things I do. I can then tell them it's God that compels me to do this. If it was up to me, I'd be home on the couch, surfing the web on my laptop.

I started this without even knowing where I would be going. I really thought this was going to be about how I wasn't doing what I always dreamed I'd do, but what I've realized is that I should have started with...
I never dreamed I'd be an evangelist.

This writing thing

2008-04-29T08:21:00.004-05:00

I was perusing links on my blog, making sure they weren't all dead. I hit the First 50 Words link, and the post for yesterday is about a writing workshop the author attended. In part of the preface, she mentioned something that was said in the workshop:

Writing practice hasn’t changed. You write for 10 or 20 minutes. You read. You do it again. You don’t edit, cross out, worry about spelling, you just write. You do this every day. You show up and write.

How do you do this? How do you not edit, cross out, or worry about spelling? I can't NOT do it. I edit while I type, automatically. I might edit later, but I edit while I type without thinking about it. I also correct spelling. If a word gets a little red underline (I'm using Firefox which checks my spelling as I write), then I automatically correct it. How do you let all this go and just write?

And why does 10 or 20 minutes seem so short, yet when the time arrives it seems so long? And I just did it again - edited that sentence 3 times before typing the period at the end. AARRGGHHH.

And now, after having gotten going on this, it's time to close the laptop and go to work. What I want to do is make more coffee, sit here in this easy chair, and keep reading and writing. But as Paul said "For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I know he was talking about sin, but it fits my situation right now.

And now I'm late for work. Well, late for leaving for work which will most likely make me late for work unless I break some traffic laws along the way.

The one where LTW gets a laptop (again)

2008-04-29T07:49:00.002-05:00

After almost two years without a laptop, I finally have one again. Not new, used, and it's a long, boring story about how I got it, but nevertheless I like it and I'm happy to have it. What I'm not going to do is say how I will now resume trying to post regularly, because that has proven deadly to my posting in the past.

If any of you that write regularly read this, please post in the comments where you get your writing inspirations. When you log into your blogging software, and don't already have something urgent on your mind, what do you do to get motivated? Tips, hints, and tricks greatly appreciated.

MORE COWBELL!!!

2008-01-18T09:45:00.001-06:00

"I put my pants on just like the rest of you, one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records."

Edit: D'oh, looks like someone got a nasty-gram and had to take the video down. That sucks. But I'm leaving the embedded video here because the initial frame still shows, and it still makes me laugh.

More Cowbell From SNL - The most popular videos are here

Before the music dies

2008-01-01T15:15:00.000-06:00

If you've read along in this blog, you know music is important to me.

See this. Now. The trailer is below. Visit the website. You can buy a DRM free version suitable to play on any portable device for 2.99. www.beforethemusic.com

I Remember Christmas

2007-12-18T08:16:00.000-06:00

(This is in response to the writing prompt at First 50 Words for 12/15/07)

I remember Christmas as a child. Well, even more that just as a child, but all the way through my teenage years, into college and early adulthood. Christmas was great. I loved the Christmas season. Yes, as a small child this often meant I loved it because of the gift potential. But the older I got, the more I loved it for the experience.

Christmas was a time to get away from the world. There was always a long break from school and the days started to run into each other. Even after college I would still somehow manage to get time off at Christmas, typically the week between Christmas and New Year's Day, so I could travel home and have that same feeling of time shifting and stresses of this world going away.

I am the youngest of four. As my older siblings grew up and left home, they would come home to visit on the holidays. In later years meant bringing their spouses and children. There were always lots of people around the house. There were hours spent on playing games, watching movies, and generally just spending time together. Yes, there were always gifts, and several package opening times as people would arrive a day or two after the actual day, but that wasn't the best part. The best part was the time where we just got to hang out together. Eating my mother's cooking. Spending time with my dad in his workshop. Going with my dad, after he had retired, to the "Grumpy Old Men Coffee Club" at the local coffee shop. I absolutely loved Christmas.

Please don't misunderstand this, though. The focus of Christmas in my family was definitely the birth of the Savior. This wasn't just an excuse for the family to spend time together. We absolutely knew and celebrated the "reason for the season". And part of that was the great times we had together as a family.

I don't get nearly as excited about Christmas anymore. About 10 years ago, my mother died. And a few years later, my dad died. They both had long, fruitful lives, and were married over 50 years. But without them and their home in my small hometown, Christmas just doesn't seem the same. Everyone here in the city is always in such a rush. We never seem to get everything done before the 24th. I guess with no deadlines like having to leave on a particular day to get home in time for Christmas, things get pushed back until the very last minute. Somehow that relaxation I felt over Christmas in the past is gone. I still take the time off of work, and still get to sleep late, cook a big breakfast for my wife and myself, go to movies, hang out, play games, and all that other fun stuff, but the complete decompression never really seems to get here.

My sister lives in a small town near the city where I live. Her children are grown now and have children of their own. This year my wife and I are spending Christmas Day at their house, watching small children open gifts and play with new toys, eating good food, playing games, and laughing together. The other day my sister and I talked about gifts and decided not to get gifts for each other. The best possible gift this Christmas is a chance to have that old Christmas feeling again. I am actually excited about it. For the first time in several years.

Heavenly Father, as we prepare for the arrival of Your Son, our Savior, please help us feel the joy You mean for us to feel at this time of the year and always. And please help us share that joy with those around us that may not have any joy in their life. In Your Name we pray, Amen.

Progress on changes

2007-11-27T08:02:00.000-06:00

Even though it hasn't been reflected by posting here, changes I've been making in my life have been sticking. I'm still not exercising regularly (but still working on that), but I have added some morning quiet time most days. Not as much on the weekend, but that is much more difficult as there is more hubub around the house as well as irregular schedules.

One thing I have added that I didn't originally post as a desired change was learning to play guitar. I have a guitar I got for my birthday about 5 or 6 yrs. ago. I have a musical background, including studying music theory for 2 years, but never learned a stringed instrument. About 5 or 6 years ago I asked for (and received) a starter guitar for my birthday. One of those inexpensive starter kit things. A Gibson Epiphone acoustic, "gig bag" (soft sided carry bag), a tuner, a stand, and a "how-to" book. I practiced for several weeks almost daily. Learned some chords. Got to a point where I started trying to transition between chords in rhythm and failed repeatedly (as expected). I got very frustrated, put it in it's stand to take a break, and that break ended up lasting several years.

A few weeks ago I picked it up again. I went to a concert, a guy usually with a band that did a solo acoustic set. I got inspired again to pick up the guitar. Now don't get me wrong - I don't have some deluded idea that I can be a performer. No way. I just want to be able to sit around and play stuff people know and can sing along to. I mostly want to entertain myself, my wife. and any good friends that come over for an evening or something.

For some reason, this time I've stuck with it better than before. And I don't feel the pressure I felt before. I'm not sure why. Maybe before it was because my wife had just spent around $300 on all that gear and I felt pressured to deliver with it A.S.A.P. Maybe it was because other instruments had come to me so quickly in the past and this wasn't that I was pressuring myself to perform better. Maybe I was just too excited to show off to my friends or something. I don't know what it was, but this time I don't feel it. I found a song I want to learn, and have spent the past couple of weeks learning the 3 chords in that song and also toughening up the tips of my fingers so they can handle practicing more than about 15-20 mins. I haven't practiced every day, but I've practiced several times a week.

The best part is last night something finally started clicking. I can't do all the chord transitions smooth yet, but at least I'm not stopping to look up the fingerings every time. And when switching back to the main chord for the song, my fingers "just went" to the correct position without me thinking about what fingers to place on what strings. It was very satisfying and just the kind of thing I need to encourage me to keep going.

Hopefully the same kind of change can come to me with my writing. We'll see.

Change is difficult (DUH!)

2007-09-11T08:30:00.000-05:00

This week, yesterday actually, was to be the beginning of change. Not some great new direction, just getting back to some prior habits that made my quality of life better. Those habits:

1) Exercise every morning - typically a 40-45 minute walk.
2) Daily quiet time - reading some scripture and/or some daily reading in a book about improving my spiritual discipline or spiritual journey.
3) Journaling (here) 3 times a week - didn't set this to every day because I know that it won't happen every day because it can't happen every day.

And those three things above were just changes to my weekdays. Weekends are still to be determined. The schedule on weekends varies too much week to week.

How have I done so far?
Monday - no walk (never will on Mondays due to very early departure for work), no quiet time, no journaling.
Tuesday (today) - no walk, no quiet time, but did manage to journal.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll work in all three.

Climbing back on the horse

2007-09-07T08:41:00.000-05:00

Mentally I treat September (post Labor Day) as kind of a mini-January. Time to get a fresh start on things, revive habits that I've let die (especially over the hot summer months), things like that.

My plans for next week:
Resume my morning exercise before going to work
Resume my blogging - at least 3 days a week
Resume my morning quiet time.

This will result in less sleeping in. But maybe I'll start going to bed before midnight. That'd be nice.

I just read that last sentence. Apparently I've suddenly gotten old.

Win at high school, lose at life

2007-05-18T14:37:00.000-05:00

I read Wil Wheaton's blog. Not because I'm some Star Trek fan-boy. In fact, I've never seen an episode of any of the "modern" Star Trek series or any of the Star Trek movies. I've only seen the occasional episode of the original Star Trek series, and most of those were one year on New Year's Day when I was so hungover it was too painful to even reach for the remote to change channels.

I enjoy reading Wil's blog (as long as I can dodge all the "you're a Republican/Conservative so you're stupid" posts). I read Wil Wheaton's blog for all the great personal stuff and discussions of the writing process. In fact, his blog is one of the things that encouraged me to start my own blog.

In a post last night he told the story of his trip to speak to his son's high school creative writing class. It's a great story. Had me totally sucked in to see what happened next. But the part I liked best was a line near the end when he posts a paragraph he self-edited out of his talk at the school. It was about how the social part of high school doesn't matter later in life. About how when you get out of high school, you don't have to ever see anyone else from high school ever again if you don't want to. He mentioned a comment a friend said to him once - "If you win at high school, you lose at life."

I really like that quote. I definitely don't feel like I "won" at high school. I was not in the popular crowd. I was not on the top of the party invitation lists. Don't get me wrong - I had some very good and close friends, a few of which I'm still friends with today, over 20 years after graduation. But the funny thing is that quote rings so very true.

When I went to my 10 year reunion, I ran into a guy that I guess would fit into the super-set of friends. More than an acquaintance, as I'd known him my whole life. But not anyone I'd spent any time with outside of school or youth group activities at church. He also really teased me a lot all the way through school and generally made my life miserable. After graduation I never saw him again. When I ran into him at the reunion I was at least 8 inches taller than him and outweighed him by probably 100 pounds. Think tennis player vs. NFL offensive lineman. After exchanging hellos, it went something like this:

Him: "If I were you, I'd knock my head off."

Me: "Why?" (I was very confused by this comment. I wondered if he had said something to my wife earlier that I didn't know about)

Him: "For the way I treated you in school all those years."

Me: "The past is the past. What would it change for me to do that now?"

My wife was standing nearby, and overheard the conversation. I've shared some of that long ago time with her, but not all of it. Later she asked about it, and I explained it a little more.

Today, that guy lives in a 1.6 million dollar home (according to Zillow) in a city where the average middle class home is probably 200k. He works in sales for a major computer manufacturer. I live in a far more middle class home (different city) and write code all day. But my job is 9-5 (or less) and I have lots of time for my wife, my friends, the youth group at church, and for enjoying life overall. Last I heard we was working and travelling for work all the time. He has some kids, too. I wonder how well they know him.

Would I trade lives with him? Not a chance. After all, he won high school, but I won life.

Does that axiom always hold true? Of course not. But I think it does more times than not.

Thank you Jesus for giving me what I need and not more than I can handle.

Back to writing

2007-05-17T10:23:00.000-05:00

The laptop still isn't fixed, though I'm closer to getting it there. Just need to order the right part, probably getting it in an Ebay auction, and get it installed. Hopefully that will take care of it.

Though I haven't posted here in a while, I think about this blog probably every day. And every day I cringe at the fact I haven't updated in so long. And that makes the task seem even that much harder, so I put it off for another day. And that keeps going, and going, and going.
I recently had a breakthrough on this front. I might have had this breakthrough before - I need to go back and read the archives and see - but basically I've figured out that every post doesn't have to be some deep thought or great personal development to be valid. I need to not be so freaking serious. I need to start posting about whatever I'm currently excited about, reading, listening to, cool link I found, or whatever. Basically stop taking this so seriously, so maybe one day I can take this more seriously.

So here it is. The first post of the rest of my blog life. What is this, new beginning #33 or something? The real great part is that it's Thursday, and I'm leaving town tomorrow night for the weekend and going where there is no cell phone access, much less any interweb access. Hopefully I'll still have this passion when I get back.

And I'm even taking the risk of posting this from work. Most of the times when I feel inspired to post something are when I'm at work. I mean, I sit in front of a computer all day. Lots of days the last thing I want to do when I get home is sit in front of a computer some more. I'm going to try doing this more here and there from work, and hopefully stay employed in the mean time. Wish me luck. And please stay tuned.

Blog not dead, laptop is

2007-04-05T10:38:00.000-05:00

For any still subscribed, the blog is not dead (appearances to the contrary) - the laptop is. Can't really post from work other than short ones like this. Hopefully the laptop will be repaired soon.

But, I've been saying that since Jan. 26.

Keep me on your subscription list please. I will be back. Hopefully soon.

Woodpecker (from First Fifty Words)

2007-01-25T21:04:00.000-06:00

The other day as I waited in my car for the ice to thaw on the windshield, I looked out the passenger window to my right. My neighbor has a magnolia tree in his yard next to my driveway. On the trunk of that tree was a woodpecker.

He wasn't pecking. He was checking holes that he or some other woodpecker had already pecked for any new prey that might have shown up. I'm not sure how successful he was, because once my car thawed out and I put the transmission in reverse, he flew away. About that time I wished I'd had my camera with me to grab a picture of him before he flew away. He was absolutely beautiful.

I live in a part of the country that rarely gets below freezing. Birds come here in the winter to hang out, or at least stop by here on their way further south. As I sat there and watched that woodpecker I wondered how confused he must be. Confused about the cold. Confused about where his dinner was. After all, he's not used to all this ice around here. He may not realize that makes all the bugs dig in deeper - deeper in the ground or deeper in the tree. I hope he found something to eat.

New Writing Resource

2007-01-25T20:51:00.000-06:00

Thanks to God's Child at Radio Ventriloquist, I have a new resource on writing, First Fifty Words. Every day, First Fifty Words will post a topic and a lead off of fifty words about that topic. You add your own fifty words on the topic. From the About page:

To practice writing, pick a topic, any topic, and start writing. Don’t judge, don’t edit, just write. For normal practice, after a certain period of time, perhaps 10 minutes, stop writing. For this blog, you are invited to leave a comment with the first 50 words of your writing on the topic. I’ll pick the topics–you write 50 words.

It goes on to say that if what you come up with turns out to start something in you, then go back to your own blog to finish it.

I know I won't do it every day, but hopefully I will do it fairly regularly. And I'm not sure if I'll put the first 50 words there or just here. But either way, it is a good idea as well as a good resource. Check them out and participate.

Dreams can come true

2007-01-25T19:53:00.000-06:00

I've always wanted to own my own business. Work for myself, or at least be part of a partnership if I didn't own it outright.

I do web development for a living. I work full time for a software company, but I do small web development projects on the side for clients also. A few years ago, as I started a new project that very specific hosting requirements, I found myself spending several days (part-time) looking for appropriate and affordable hosting. After getting through that process, I decided to start providing web hosting for clients. The plan was to let charities host for free, and sell hosting at a very competitive rate to businesses and non-charity personal projects to pay the hosting bill. I wasn't trying to generate a profit, just bring in enough money to pay the monthly bill to host the server in order to make the charitable sites' hosting truly free.

I became somewhat successful at that, breaking even most months. After several late night phone calls from the data center when there was server trouble, I decided that it would be a better fit for me to get some hosting in bulk from some other provider and be a reseller. The same plan would work (sell enough to break even), so I moved my clients over and continued along.

Through word of mouth referral business, I built up a decent client list. After a couple of years being a reseller, the owner of the hosting company came to me with a proposal to merge our businesses and be partners. I had become his largest reseller by a wide margin. I explained my "business plan" and he was completely on board with that. As of Jan. 1, 2007 we merged and are now one company. I am a partner in the business and will share in the overall profits of the company. In addition, we are creating a non-profit subsidary to handle the charitable hosting and I will be president of that subsidiary.

I finally have taken a giant step to achieving one of the big goals in my life - to own (partially or completely) my own business. Is it enough to let me quit the corporate job? Not yet, but hopefully one day it will be.

Prosper update

2007-01-16T20:31:00.000-06:00

I've been participating (investing?) at Prosper for several months now. I've received the payment every month on time, and started building up a small cash balance. So far it seems to be working out well.

I decided to transfer in a bit more money, just enough to bring my balance up to $100.00 including what was in the account already from payments received. I've since bid on 2 more loans for $50.00 each. The loans have closed and are pending review.

So far I've made 3 $50.00 loans.
Loan #1: 20.00% interest
Loan #2: 17.95% interest
Loan #3: 16.40% interest.

Now, before I get accused of being a loan shark, remember that these interest rates are set by the market forces in play at Prosper. The borrower posts the amount he needs and an explanation about why he needs it and what he plans to do with it, along with a maximum interest rate he will pay. They also show a very high level credit report on the borrower, along with a letter grade to summarize his credit history.

The market (lenders at Prosper) then start to bid on his loan - how big a piece of his loan they will take, and the lowest interest rate they will accept. The more people that deem the borrower a good risk and participate, the lower the rate goes, like a reverse Ebay. Every loan I bid on completed at a rate higher than the lowest rate I said I would accept in my bid - at least 2 points higher or more.

Obviously I'm still cautious about Prosper, but let's say that I'm cautiously optimistic.

The writing habit

2007-01-16T20:26:00.000-06:00

A new year. New resolutions. New attempts at getting that writing habit going again.

The main thing that seems to be holding me back is the overwhelming sense of this project (for lack of a better term.) The prospect of having to post every day seems like too much to manage, especially after my typical long PITA commute home every day. And to some degree I'm the kind of person that says (to myself, in my head) "Self, if you're not going to do it 100%, don't do it at all." Not that all the posts need to be super compelling, or even interesting, but just be there and be something besides "Another post today because I have to."

Via Mark Lee's blog, I found a link to Creativity for Life. I haven't really had a chance to check it out yet, but maybe that site will be some help in sparking my creativity.

Stick it out with me. Comment and help motivate me.

Resolutions

2007-01-11T20:01:00.000-06:00

I am firmly convinced that you haven't truly broken a New Year's Resolution unless you go to the end of January without having implemented the change you wish to implement with your resolution.

Therefore, as things around my household finally get back to normal next week, I'll start posting again, thereby keeping my resolution intact.

Not that anyone out ther cares or anything.

Uh, like yeah...

2006-11-14T21:09:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I'm not dead and all that.

The business of the rest of my life is settling down some. I shall return shortly.

But for those that are following my progress with my writing discipline, be assured that just because it's been quiet here doesn't mean the writing thing hasn't happened. Some of it has even been with a paper and pen and stuff. Old school!

Still here...

2006-10-09T19:29:00.000-05:00

A combination of a spate of nice weather and too many other things to do have kept me very busy. As a result this blog has suffered.

Don't give up on me.

I have a couple of draft posts that need to be filled out some. Hopefully soon.

And I've been doing LOTS of reading. Which is supposed to help your writing, right?

And God's Child - thanks for the link to the poet's blog. I'm checking it out.

Should this offend me?

2006-09-09T19:49:00.000-05:00

After my first post about Prosper, I got a comment from the person who thought I was a spammer with some "what-ifs" about Prosper. Well, after posting my update today, I had blogger send a note to him to tell him it was an update. I sent the following note along with the link:

I posted an update on my experience with Prosper.com and thought you might be interested. My apologies if you aren't. If you aren't, please let me know and I won't update you in the future.

I got the following response from him:

Best of luck with it. I have no interest in hearing any more about it, but thanks.

I guess it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I must say it is bothering me. Though it is polite, I guess I just got the feeling over the years of reading his blog that he was a friendlier guy than that. Or am I just too concerned with approval as I discussed in this post?

All comments welcome - thanks.

Update on Prosper

2006-09-09T18:16:00.000-05:00

I just thought I'd give a little update on my experience with Prosper so far. I posted about it earlier, primarily as a response to another blogger who (I assume) deleted a comment I made about it thinking I was spamming for it. I got responses from others that it sounded interesting, so I decided to do a followup post.

I bought into my first loan a couple of weeks ago. I bought in for $50.00 to a $15,000 loan that will pay back to me 20% interest. It is a 3 year loan (as they all are at Prosper) and will pay me back $1.88 per month for 36 months unless it is paid off early. He actually mentioned in his posting that he hoped to pay it back early, and that is one reason I picked it - it would make a good trial run. If it is paid out over the whole 3 years, that $50.00 investment will pay back to me $67.68. A decent investment I believe. The first payment is due to me 9/22/2006 and I will update here as things progress.

I also recently got a newsletter from Prosper (they do this regularly) that informed me about a new publicly available page at Prosper.com about their loan performance and deliquency numbers. This is information about all outstanding loans, and is searchable by date range, etc. Check it out here if number crunching is your thing.

Again, I get absolutely no kick back from Prosper for this. They aren't paying me for "blog ads" or anything. In fact, I doubt they even know I'm writing about them. It just sounds like an interesting idea and something I'm willing to toy with. I'll let you know how it goes.

The Practice of Secrecy

2006-09-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

That is the subtitle of the chapter I referred to in an earlier post. A chapter of this book. The entire title is A Life of Freedom: The Practice of Secrecy. The entire book is about various spiritual disciplines.

This chapter, in a nutshell, talks about approval addiction. As I was reading the chapter, it dawned on me that it was describing me. Now, it's not an addiction like you typically think of when people are talking about other types of addiction, such as alcohol or drug addiction. It's just describing a need to have other's approval. I definitely have that need.

The chapter did make me realize that I do seek other's approval, though. And it hit me hard. I really live in this world quite a bit. And it expresses itself in many, many ways.

This chapter put into words better than I've been able to one reason I do this blog in "secret". I don't want people who know me to read what I write and not approve of either it or me. I haven't yet figured out what in my childhood, or even my adult past, has made me feel this way.

The core issue here is that we should really only care about God's opinion or approval. The approval of the world doesn't matter. We are Christ's own, and that is what's important. The author quotes Henri Nouwen:

At issue here is the question: "To whom do I belong? To God or to the world?" Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me....Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves.

This is where the spiritual discipline kicks in. The Practice of Secrecy. Do good deeds for others with no recognition. Don't trumpet it to others when you do service, fast, or pray. Do what you do for God to see and no one else. I don't typically have issues with this. I go on mission trips, do service work, etc. and really don't tell anyone about it. Obviously the people on the trip or at the charity with me see me, and my wife knows where I go and what I do simply because she needs to know that stuff. But I don't go back to work and talk about it, or tell friends about it, or anything else. Nevertheless, approval is still important to me.

I must continue to seek God's help with this. Please pray for me.

Dusting off keyboard

2006-09-04T15:33:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm dusting off my keyboard and trying to get back in the habit of writing here. As I mentioned before, I got a new Moleskine notebook (the larger kind) with lined pages. I also have a nice fountain pen. And I have yet to use either. Well, I have used the fountain pen - just testing it out and getting the ink flowing again. And I guess I actually have written in my notebook - I wrote inside the cover where you put your name and phone number to let people know where to return it if it is lost. I think I am actually scared of the notebook. I feel all this pressure to make whatever I write be perfect. And this notebook is on the edge of dangerous. If I start really writing what I think and feel, and people get hold of it and read it, that could be embarrassing. I feel safer writing here than in that notebook.

All is not dead on the writing front. I started another blog, one that is "public" - that my friends and family know about. I started it primarily because when I found interesting stuff on the web (via weblogs, email, whatever) I would email a note and a link to friends and family that might be interested. Later I'd mention it to someone I didn't email it to, and they were interested as well. That made me decide to start a blog where I just post these short notes and links so whoever wanted to see them, could. I then notified my friends and family that rather than get notes from me when I found something interesting, they'd just need to read my blog instead. It has worked out ok so far. I've even branched out a bit and posted a few other things, like a review of a CD a friend loaned me (they really, really) wanted to know what I thought), some thoughts about some scripture I read during my recent quiet time, and things like that. So at least I've been writing somewhere).

Other great news. One of my favorite bloggers to read, God's Child, has come back online with a blog. She had one going for a bit and I was just about to add it to my list on the left when she decided to take it down. I emailed her and asked about it, and it was the right thing to do for her at the time. Well, I got a note from her (actually a comment on my last post) and she's back now - so go check it out. And I just love the name of it - Radio Ventriloquist!

I still owe the post on the chapter in that book - I'll be working on it next.

Oh, and an update on Prosper, and a review of Fighting Instinct for Corey.

Working on a new post

2006-08-15T20:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not dead. I'm working on a new post. I'm still reading the book I mentioned in this post. Just like last time, I put it down for a bit and when I picked it up again I'm reading a section that is exactly what I need to hear right now. Of course, I didn't realize how much I needed to hear it until I actually started reading it. And I didn't really realize I was like this until I got into the chapter. I was going to post about it tonight, but I'm still mulling it over in my head. Besides, I have a few pages left to read anyway.

Other news on the writing front: A while back a friend of mine gave me a spare fountain pen he had. He had not used it so there was no need to get a new nib or anything. A couple of weeks ago I won an Amazon.com gift certificate in a drawing. I ordered some books last week, and among those I ordered a Moleskine notebook. I plan on carrying these around with me and writing when I feel the urge. This will be most helpful when either at work, away from a computer, or around others here at the house who might see me writing on my computer. Hopefully it will help me improve, and possibly be something to look back at fondly years from now when I find it again unpacking a box or something.

Now for something completely different - an update on my friend at work who's family was in Lebanon (first mentioned in this post). They are back home. In fact, they got back home that first weekend just a couple of days after the evacuations started. There was even some background footage shown on CNN of his young daughter being carried onto a troop carrier by a United States Marine. He was (understandably) overjoyed.

He told me a story about the first Gulf War, shortly after he left Kuwait. Yes, Kuwait. Let me clear that up for you. You see, even though he is a Lebanese citizen, he grew up in Kuwait and left to come to the U.S. for college. A short time later, the first Gulf War started. His Lebanese friends and family in Kuwait went to the Lebanese embassy and asked for help. The Lebanese embassy person told them they could not help, and sent them home. Told them to go home and pray.

I knew he loved this country before, but he truly, deeply, loves this country now. He told me that next time his friends back home (Lebanon) ask him why he is becoming a U.S. citizen and tell him he should come back home, he will tell them this story and remind them of the Gulf War story to shut them up.

To hear him talk about this experience, and to hear the real and true gratitude in his voice for what the United States did for his family made me start to tear up. So many people hate the U.S.A. right now, but this is one thing that is definitely right about America.

Wow. This was orignally going to be a short post so people knew I was still around. Maybe this writing thing is getting easier (though not any better).

I am NOT a spammer!

2006-07-27T19:21:00.000-05:00

I recently read this post on Kevin Donahue's blog about ING Direct. Online savings account, easy to transfer in and out, and a great interest rate. I've been using them for years. He offered to refer people in, getting a referral bonus for himself as well as a bonus for the person referred in.

When I read the post, I added a comment mentioning Prosper.com. I discovered it via some weblog a few months ago. I can't remember which one - I wish I could. I tried to make it clear in my post that I wasn't spamming because I knew it'd appear that way. Well, the comment got deleted. Then I contacted him via the contact form on his website, trying to explain the situation. I got no response. This was several days ago.

So to follow the advice I've read on blogs that don't allow comments, I've posted this entry here - responding via my own blog.

So do yourselves a favor. If you need short term savings, easy access, need stuff to be somewhat liquid - a 3 day delay or so when you need to tap your savings - then go with ING Direct. I have nothing but good things to say about it. But if you have a little money you can put away for 3 years (as little as 50.00) check out Prosper.com. I guess you could sort of describe it as an Ebay for loans. Borrowers and lenders get matched up. Prosper manages the process. The loans can be funded by multiple lenders - for example, someone wants to borrow 5000. Multiple lenders can fund the loan with amounts as low as 50.00. The interest paid back goes to the lenders. All loans are for 3 years, so you need to use money you don't have to have back completely for 3 years. You get your piece of the payment paid monthly, but you won't get the full amount plus interest for 3 years.

Oh, I could refer you to ING if your interested, get my referral fee and you get your deposit bonus, but that's not what this is about. It's just about getting out info that may help people. If you want to get a deposit bonus, Kevin Donahue will be happy to refer you. Give him your business.

Traffic confusions

2006-07-18T20:36:00.000-05:00

Bear with me. This is not going to be your typical "I hate traffic" or "big traffic jam" post. At least I hope not.

I live about 20 miles from my office. I can commute there either via 2 different freeways (going east/west and north/south), or I can use a couple of side streets. It is equal distance each way.

The freeway route can get me to and from work quickly. Or it can get me to and from work very slowly. Since it seems to be somewhat of a crap shoot, I tend to avoid the freeway route.

The side street route is a consistent 40 minute drive. The speed limit on most of the route is 40 miles per hour. I can set my cruise control and just cruise on in. Or home. Whichever. You know what I mean. It's a nice drive, especially at the times of the day I commute - slightly post rush hour. Using the cruise control saves me gasoline as well. I set it and cruise. A red traffic light in the distance? Why, just tap the break and coast to the light, saving even more gas. Light changes? Accelerate to 30, then click resume. Car accelerates for me and stops at the set speed. And I don't have to worry about tickets. Driving the speed limit has lowered my stress level.

The thing that is confusing are the people going slightly slower than the speed limit. Now most people, and by most I mean a realistic estimate of 97.5% of the cars around me, are going well over the speed limit. Somewhere between 5 and 10 miles an hour over the speed limit. And I don't have a problem with people going slightly below the speed limit. If they want to do that, fine. Unless there is no room to go around them, but that is another story.

What is confusing about the people going slightly below the speed limit is the fact that they don't seem to realize it until I pass them. Literally 20 to 30 cars may fly right past them and they go plodding along. But when I slowly come up behind them, change lanes and pass them they seem to suddenly realize they are going below the speed limit while everyone else (but me) is exceeding it and now it's time to GO! GO! GO!

If this just happened once every few days, then I probably wouldn't give it a second thought. But it happens several times (2-5) per trip. Not per day. Per trip.

What is it about me or my driving that suddenly makes them hit the turbo boosters on their '76 Pinto and take off?

Another example

2006-07-13T19:55:00.000-05:00

This is another example of what I can't do but would someday like to be able to do. Tell stories. That's it. That's what I want to do. Wil phrases it so well in that entry I linked to. Tell stories and have people feel what I felt when it happened. Just tell stories.

I don't want to write Tom Clancy style novel. I wouldn't mind writing articles here and there to pay the bills. But I want to tell stories.

Now, how do I go about doing that? Or, rather, how do I go about learning to do that? How do I learn to observe a situation and then describe it so people feel like they are in it? As I was reading his entry I could actually see him on the patio picking yellow leaves off of his tomato plants. I could see the dog run out to the back fence after the lizard. Possibly because my dog does the same thing but with squirrels, but I could still see it.

How do I do that? Yes I know, practice. But before I can start to practice, don't I need to have some idea what I am doing?

What's happening this week?

2006-07-13T19:12:00.000-05:00

God's Child asked that on the previous post. God's Child was a blogger I discovered via a comment she made on my blog quite a while back. I really enjoyed reading her blog, but unfortunately she decided to stop blogging recently. Thanks for the nudge, God's Child.

So, what's happening this week?

A good friend of mine has been very upset the last two days. He is from Lebanon, but has lived here since he was 19. His wife is also from Lebanon. Neither of them are citizens of the United States, though they are in the process and are very close to becoming citizens. They have two young children, both born here so they are both citizens of the United States. His wife and two young children are currently in Lebanon. They went back to visit for 2 months over the summer. He was supposed to go along, at least for a month, but decided to stay back in case information came in the mail about their citizenship. He has been wanting this for over 20 years.

Well, in case you haven't seen any news this week, the Israeli's are attacking Lebanon. Missles, air strikes, and naval blockades. Even the airport has been bombed and currently planes cannot take off and land. He's very concerned for his family, even though he hears from them several times a day telling him that they are o.k. and that the fighting is far away.

He's angry. He's upset. All understandable.

Today he said to me "I wish they would take these guys from both sides that want to do this fighting out into the desert in Saudi Arabia and let them have at it!"

I can't even imagine what it would be like to have my wife, much less children, in that kind of danger. Situations like these make me appreciate the life I have here in America. There is a somewhat constant threat of terror, but there is no army, navy, and air force attacking my country.

I think I'll go kiss my wife now.

Maybe someday...

2006-07-04T22:49:00.000-05:00

Maybe someday, when I've written a million words, thrown them away, and written a million more, I can write like this (especially like this).

That is all.....

In Congress, July 4, 1776

2006-07-04T12:29:00.000-05:00

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government.

...

We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

The beginning and ending of the Declaration of Independence (emphasis mine). No matter what you may feel about the current management of this country, it will serve you well to read the entire thing on this anniversary of our independence.

Honey, I'm home

2006-06-27T20:05:00.000-05:00

I got back this past weekend from a mission trip to southern Louisiana. I helped a victim of Hurricane Rita prepare for a new home. A new mobile home to replace her house of who-knows-how-many years. Because even with flood insurance, the property values in that part of Louisiana are so low that a new home can't be built without additional funds. Sometimes life sucks.

Upon returning to the office yesterday, I got lots of inquiries along the lines of "How was your vacation?" When I explained that it really was a mission trip, and gave brief details on what I did, I got lots of kudos from people about how nice it was I did that or what a good person I was for doing it. Then I felt bad. I didn't do it to get kudos from people. I didn't do it to prove to anyone I was a good person. And I definitely don't deserve the credit. Anything good in me comes from God acting in me through the Holy Spirit. Anything bad I do is my true nature peeking through.

This morning I picked back up a book a friend loaned me that I'd been reading lately. It has a kind of cheesy title (follow the link above to see) and I probably never would have given it a second chance if a good friend of mine hadn't loaned it to me. I put it down a couple of weeks before my trip, and just got back to it this morning. After finishing the last couple of pages of the chapter I left off with I came to the next chapter titled Appropriate Smallness: The Practice of Servanthood. It starts with a discussion of humility and what it really is, then discusses why people do service work and what the real reasons should be for serving others. It says the following, which is at least somewhat how I feel though I hadn't put it to words. And I don't know if I could say it this well.

We must minister out of weakness. The reason we help others is not because we are strong and they need us; it is because if we don't help them we will end up a hopeless relic.

This is exactly how I've felt about the mission work I do. At some level, I guess it's nice that people think I'm such a good person for doing it. I guess part of me wants them to see that I don't just talk the talk, but I walk the walk. I guess that's some pride peeking out. But mostly I help people (via service projects or other methods) because if I don't then I will become a hopeless relic. And hopefully in some small way they see the love of God through what I do.

In some small way, even writing about it seems to be detracting from the real purpose of the work. But this is my journal, and if I'm learning to write then I must actually write, and I must write about what moves me or what I'm feeling. I have to be authentic.

Overheard in the office

2006-06-16T09:28:00.000-05:00

Any of you that work in offices, especially those with cubicles, understand how easy it is to overhear conversations. Conversations others have on the phone, and conversations between coworkers. You don't really mean to listen, it's just the way cubicles are. I think sometimes people forget there isn't a ceiling, or that the walls aren't real. Sometimes you hear funny lines. Sometimes you have to sit there and stifle a laugh. You really wish you could share it with someone.

Today a friend sent me a link to a website I hadn't heard of before. Check out Overheard in the Office. This is a definite time-waster.

And, no, I haven't left yet. I leave tomorrow.

When should a comment be a post?

2006-06-15T08:29:00.000-05:00

Recently I posted about how I was changing my self-imposed writing requirement from 10 minutes a day to 10 minutes a week. Corey left some thoughtful comments, and I've been mulling them over the past few days. I replied today, but replied as a comment. The reply was long enough that maybe it should have been a post. It definitely made my 10 minute requirement for today.

On the World Cup front, I had the occasion yesterday to sort-of watch the Saudi Arabia v. Tunisia game and watch the Germany v. Poland game. I think I'm getting more interested in soccer. I just wish I wasn't so fat and out of shape so that I could go try to play it somewhere. But my lack of coordination would probably be the ruin of my soccer dream anyway. I'm working on the fat and out of shape part, but it may be too late for the coordination part. Who knows.

On the posting/writing front: I continue to read good amateur writing on the web, and continue to get inspired to do it myself. Time is still an issue, but I'm slowly modifying my schedule and finding time for writing. And reading. Usually in some peace and quiet.

Posting will be non-existant here next week. I leave Saturday for a mission trip, and won't return until the next weekend. There will be zero computer access. Not that anyone would have even noticed (since I still seem to post sporadically), but I don't want anyone that might read to think I've given up again. I hope to get another post in before I go, but I still have lots to do to get ready to leave, so it may not happen.

FUTBOL! COPA MUNDIAL!

2006-06-10T08:39:00.000-05:00

As is obvious to anyone with a radio or television, it's World Cup time. I'm sitting here watching the England vs. Paraguay match on ABC.

A good friend of mine at work is a rabid soccer fan. He's not from the USA originally, so though he's my age, he grew up playing soccer. He even played for a university team in the United States while in college. We've been discussing soccer the last few weeks, mostly because it seems to be almost all he could think about with the World Cup coming up.

One of his main complaints is how soccer isn't very popular here. I tried to explain to him that relative to the rest of the world, soccer is still somewhat new here. Having spent my entire life in the USA, I have a somewhat different perspective.

My hometown was relatively small. We only had 1 jr. high and 1 high school. But we had baseball leagues for all ages (through age 16), football for kids (which continued into a jr. high team and high school team), and basketball starting in 5th grade. But no soccer. The coach at my jr. high tried to introduce it during our p.e. class when I was in 7th grade. It started to catch on. By the time I had moved on to college, leagues for small children were starting.

Fast foward to 2006. We now have a national outdoor soccer league. We have ABC television broadcasting World Cup games live on Saturday morning, when in years past you'd have to turn on Univision or something to see a soccer game. Pubs all over are advertising that they are showing the games, sometimes on rented larger televisions. There is talk everywhere about the World Cup, and how good (or bad) the USA will do.

Why is it that it has taken so long for soccer to start getting popular? I think there are several factors involved:

45 minute halfs (halves? naw...) with no commerical breaks. No time to get more beer, or go to the restroom.

An addiction to scoring. The recent rule changes to hockey show that games that end 1-0 or 2-1 just aren't that interesting. 90 minutes for 1 to 3 goals is more than our collective ADD national personality can stand.

New rules for a new game that we don't understand. One of the sports networks should start a series explaining soccer to the masses. Something like Soccer for Dummies or something. I mean, if we can do it for Texas Hold'em poker, it seems like we could do it for soccer.

I must admit to having several of those issues myself. Mostly I just don't understand enough about the game to get what is going on. I'm trying to learn during this World Cup. Hey - I even got up early on a Saturday morning to give it a try. Maybe some of it will sink in.

Well, make that 10 minutes a week

2006-06-07T09:14:00.000-05:00

At my current pace it seems I need to modify my goals. My goal was 10 minutes a day. I think I'll modify my goal for now to 10 minutes a week and try to exceed that by 200-300%. It takes a while to develop habits, and this one is becoming harder to develop than most.

The most frustrating part is that most afternoons I think of things I'd like to blog about. But I am not going to risk blogging from work. Then after the commute home, etc., either the idea is gone or the desire is gone. The afternoon is definitely my most productive time. I need to figure out a way to harness that. I've tried using the mail-in-a-post thingy in blogger, but can't seem to make it work. Anyone out there have that working and care to advise me? Any advice welcome.

I've also got a couple of ideas on things to write about, but for now I'll keep those to myself. I spent a lot of time finding ideas to steal, so why give them away so soon?

Somewhere I have in me stories to tell. Stories about childhood. Stories about high school. Stories about young adulthood. Compelling stories? Doubtful. But they are the kind of stories I like to read on other blogs, when they're well written. That is the writing I really want to do - at least right now. I just don't want to do it too soon. I don't want to mess it up because I tried too soon. And that, more than anything else, is the biggest stumbling block.

A new month, another try*

2006-06-02T07:53:00.000-05:00

Inspired by this post on one of my regular reads, I am making yet another effort to make this writing thing a regular habit.

Just ten minutes a day. How hard could that be? Something that sounds so easy, when I actually start to do it, suddenly seems so difficult. Typically it's because I don't feel like anyone will care to read what I have to say. Even though I enjoy reading the random musings of others, I still think that no one will want to read it.

My entire life I've hated "busy work". You know, back in grade school when you would finish an assignment early, the teacher would give you, say, 10 extra math problems. Not really to learn anything - after all, you completed the assignment. Just to keep you busy while the other students finished. Or on that part time job in high school or college. The day isn't quite over yet, but there isn't time to start anything new. So you do the equivalent to the classic "Dig a hole here. Ok, now fill it in" type of work. Busy work. Yuck.

How does this relate? Well, it seems that if I write this stuff and no one reads it, or really if no one comments since I have no idea who is reading it, then it's just busy work. I don't think that is entirely true. I understand the value of writing every day. Doing anything every day you are bound to get better at it. But at some point someone else has to see/hear/taste/smell it, or you have no way to know how it stands up to other things out there in the world.

I have been fighting the urge to look at the clock as I've been writing this. I looked at the clock when I started, but since I was on a roll and actually writing, I've been trying not to look at the clock. But I just now broke down and peeked. It has been 10 minutes exactly. This wasn't nearly as difficult as it seemed when I started. Maybe June is time for me to give it another try.

*I "borrowed" this title from the blog post linked above - it said best what I was trying to say. I love reading Alwin Hawkins' blog. Well, most of it anyway. The medical/nursing stuff is out of my league typically, but the rest is great. Give it a try.

Would you please take a chance on me?

2006-05-10T20:41:00.000-05:00

If you asked anyone that knew me at all, they would all tell you that my music tastes are eclectic. I enjoy hard rock, country, classical, jazz, and even hip-hop.

Last week one of my new favorite hip-hop artists released a new CD. KJ52 released a CD named Remix which (as the name suggests) is mostly remixes of previous songs, mostly from his last CD a boy named jonah. I picked it up this past weekend, and I really identified with one of his songs - a remix of one of his older songs that I hadn't heard before.

It's titled Revenge of the Nerds. It goes a little something like this:

Chorus:
Would you please,
would you dance with me,
my darling would you please take a chance with me,
I see you over there with the jocks,
I see you over there with the rich boys,
I see you over there with all the pretty girls,
and I'm asking one thing...

Back in the day I used to rock the MC Hammer pants
jump in the middle of the party bust the running man
doing the Roger Rabbit at the middle school dance
got my man next to the bleachers now that's where we stand
walk up to the girl like "now will you dance with me?"
she's like "well listen you'll never ever have a chance with me
I got a boyfriend and he's at like six foot three
250 pounds and he could beat you up in his sleep"
and I'm like "well really what's that got to do with me?
I don't see him around here so why don't you just come with me
I'll get you some fruit punch maybe some cookies
I got the new Vanilla Ice tape how can you not love me?"
she's like "well first off all your pants is straight ugly
you can't dance and your personality just bugs me
so back up off me cause I really gots to let you know
that my boyfriend's right over there"
"ohh I got to go"

Though I'm a bit older than KJ52, this song is like a narrative of my middle school and high school life. I remember lots of dances, asking girls to dance, and getting shot down. It was painful, but it made me who I am now and I'm happy with the way I am.

when I was growing up it was hard to be happy
kids knock the books out my hand and make fun of my acne (exactly)
give me a wedgie while they throw spitballs at me
and stuff me in my own locker and laugh at me
(ahhhh ha..) oh you think that'’s real funny
cause I'm 5 foot with huge feet and I dress crummy
and all the school bullies want to just take my lunch money
c'mon man I only got a dollar twenty
ya know ya life is just really sad man
when you play dodge ball your picked as the last man
and ya run as fast as ya can just like a mad man
cause the football team wants to throw you in the trash can
so really will this madness ever end
really will the nerd ever get revenge?
will this girl call me back at around ten?
will you go out w/ me? I just want to be friends

One day walking down the hall, carry my notebook under my arm. I had this bad habit of just tucking handouts, etc. inside the front cover and never actually putting them in the rings. Ever. You can imagine, after several months of this, how my notebook looked. One day a guy came up behind me, knocked the notebook out of my hands, and proceeded to kick it down the hall scattering almost an entire semesters papers all over the hall.

I was picked last all the time. Always. Every single time. And I often "ran for my life" from those that wished to do physical harm to me. And I used to think about stuff like revenge, and wonder about those who treated me like that. Why did they do it? What made them want to do it?

Now days I'm a little older plus a little bolder
but it seems like I just can't get over
you ever have a day where nothing goes right
well that just seems to be the story of my whole entire life
so anybody out there know what I mean?
to feel like your third string on a football team?
and ya never ever gonna reach any of your dreams?
and your only hope is making onion rings at burger king
but now a days a lot of things done changed
since Christ came into my life now and just rearranged
the way I look at myself son it aint the same
I drive in a whole 'nother lane going against the grain
I know it might just seem a little strange
the fact remains I changed when I called on his name
so call me a nerd call me lame it don't matter to me
see all I need to know is that my wife will dance with me

I can't even imagine how eaten up I'd be with hate and the desire for revenge if Christ wasn't in my life. It might even be a driving force in my life. Several years ago I went to my 10 year high school reunion. A guy that was one of the main tormentors of my youth came over and talked to me. We hadn't seen each other since high school graduation. I was full of happiness and joy, and treated him like I was seeing an old friend. After we'd talked for a minute, he made a comment that if the situation was reversed, he'd have decked me then and there - see, I'd grown "up" some and filled out quite a bit. I told him that it did me no good to hang on to stuff from the past. I wish I would have told him it was Christ in my life - but I didn't. A failure on my part.

Maybe one day I'll have the chance to see him again and make up for that.

Save Internet Neutrality

2006-05-07T18:53:00.000-05:00

Today we take a break from my personal naval-gazing to bring to your attention a matter of ~~utmost~~ high importance. There is a bill before Congress that will, in effect, allow bandwidth providers to meter traffic on the internet based on the compensation they get from the websites themselves. This could also result in these companies slowing access to sites they disagree with or that compete with them in the marketplace.

I first read about this on Wil Wheaton's blog. Though we differ politically on pretty much everything, when groups as diverse as those behind the opposition to this bill link up then there must be something very bad with what Congress is doing.

I'm definitely a competition-friendly guy. I definitely believe in competition between business, service providers, and heck even software companies (hear that, Microsoft?). But this is letting people drive different speeds on the roads based on how much they pay for the privilege. This just isn't right.

Go to SaveTheInternet.com for more info.

We will return to our regularly scheduled navel-gazing tomorrow. Please pardon the interruption.

The long awaited return

2006-05-06T09:23:00.000-05:00

Hahahahaha..check out that title. I amuse myself.

I'm back from my near season-ending injury and ready to make another stab at this "write for 10 minutes a day" thing. The injury? No big thing. I'd love to give details, but if I did it would make this blog too easy to tie back to me if someone I know personally should stumble across it. Suffice it to say that it wasn't serious, just annoying. If any of my loyal subscribers want to know more details, just email me. And I know who you are, so if you're not one of them don't waste your time. :-)

I really want to write and improve my writing. My biggest problems are either time to do it, or time alone to do it. Even today, for my long-awaited return post, I got up extra early on a Saturday morning. My wife and I are similar personality types. We both like to stay up late and sleep late. I stayed up past midnight watching the end of the Spurs game - and she was up doing something else. I then got up at 7:30 a.m. in order to have some quiet time with a cup of coffee. Typically she (and I) would sleep in until 9:00 or so. For some still unknown reason she got up early today, too. So I am typing this without her knowing.

Why do I keep this secret from those I know? I've discussed it before - while going through this process to learn how to write I think I'll do way too much self-editing if I think that people I know are reading it. I'll be doing self-editing anyway to keep identifying details out, but I'll be more open and honest about my thoughts and emotions. If people I know are reading I'll be more likely to keep that stuff in. Hopefully someday I'll get around that, but for now I have to do it this way.

Well, not a very compelling return post, but at least I wrote what came naturally and didn't force myself. I guess that's a step in the right (write :-) ) direction.

Back (in black??)

2006-05-05T08:15:00.000-05:00

I'm finally healed up and will be returning this weekend. Stay tuned. Or should that be subscribed?

Good Friday

2006-04-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

When I was very young, I never understood exactly why the Friday before Easter was called Good Friday. After all, isn't that the day they crucified Jesus? When I got a little older, I understood.

Psalm 22:1-21
A psalm of David

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?

2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel.

4 In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.

5 They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.

7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:

8 "He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him."

9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother's breast.

10 From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.

11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

12 Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.

13 Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.

14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.

15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.

16 Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.

17 I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.

18 They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.

19 But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.

20 Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.

21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

I'm still here

2006-03-24T18:34:00.000-06:00

Please do not unsubscribe. I am still here. I have suffered an injury which greatly limits my typing ability. I should be fully healed by the end of April, so check back then. I have things to say when I return.....

Daily writing? BAH!

2006-02-26T22:17:00.000-06:00

Clearly I haven't been meeting my objective of writing daily. Some days it's a problem of finding time to write. I do have free time daily, mostly in the evenings, but I am rarely alone. Since for now I am keeping this blog completely private and not telling anyone I know about it, that makes it difficult. In addition, I don't want to write from work for the same reason - not wanting anyone to know about it. So I need to find time when I'm home alone, or at least the last one up after everyone else has gone to bed.

The quest continues.

Sunday Night Jazz

2006-02-19T22:19:00.000-06:00

start writing stopwatch: 10:24 P.M.

I'm sitting here kind of late on a Sunday evening. I need to be in bed and trying to go to sleep, but I know it will be useless. I visited the neighborhood coffeehouse this evening and had 2 cups of coffee. In the past, this would have not caused any interruption to my schedule whatsoever. But tonight it is. I guess it's just another sign I'm getting old. Though I typically stay up later on Sunday night than Monday - Thursday night, primarily because I've caught up on my rest over the weekend, this has to have something to do with the coffee. Oh well. I'm getting in my writing exercise that I've missed the last couple of days.

I'm sitting here listening to The Dave Brubeck Quartet on my iPod while I'm writing this. Also drinking a Paulaner and completely enjoying the experience.

I was looking over the music list on my iPod today with a friend, noticing how varied it is. Some might even call it eclectic. But since there's no accounting for taste, especially in music, I'll refrain from using that word.

I have on the iPod the following (among many others):
The Beatles
Glen Miller
George Clinton & the P-Funk All-Stars
Bad Company
Foreigner (See the Urgent post below)
They Might Be Giants
Lyle Lovett
Ladysmith Black Mambazo (not the stuff with Paul Simon)
Dwight Yoakam
and so on...

I like music. I like variety. I like different music to match different moods. And for some reason, a large variety of music has caught my interest. Some may think this is weird. But I like it.

Stop writing stopwatch: 10:37 P.M.

Urgent

2006-02-16T21:54:00.000-06:00

start writing stopwatch: 9:56 P.M.

You’re not shy, you get around
You wanna fly, don’t want your feet on the ground
You stay up, you won’t come down
You wanna live, you wanna move to the sound

Got fire in your veins
Burnin’ hot but you don’t feel the pain
Your desire is insane
You can’t stop until you do it again

But sometimes I wonder as I look in your eyes
Maybe you’re thinking of some other guy
But I know, yes I know, how to treat you right
That’s why you call me in the middle of the night

I spent some time watching the Olympics last night. It was the first time I'd spent any time watching the Olympics, other than the opening ceremony, since they started last Friday.

I was doing some stuff on my laptop while watching so I was only paying partial attention to them. There was some women's downhill skiing going on, and later on some mogul competition. The mogul competition, along with a commercial I saw during it, made me recall an experience from high school when I was on a ski trip.

Every year my high school church youth group went on a long weekend ski trip. It was great fun. I loved skiing. I wasn't great, but I wasn't bad either. I really loved the snow and the feeling of flying down the mountain.

One year I decided to step up my skiing a bit and go all the way to the top of the mountain. I had looked at the maps and had found blue trails all the way to the bottom. Blues I could handle. Blacks I wasn't ready for, but blues I could handle.

I found a couple of other guys in the youth group that wanted to go along with me. We all rode the ski lift to the top, and took off down the first trail. I was the last in the group going down, and near the end of the first trail I wiped out. I wasn't hurt or anything, but it took me a few minutes to get up and get reset and ready to go.

You say it’s urgent
So urgent, so oh oh urgent
Just wait and see
How urgent my love can be
It’s urgent

In the mean time the other guys had gone on down the hill on the next trail. As I tried to catch up I obviously missed a sign somewhere and found myself at the top of a double black diamond mogul run. Not near enough to the top to turn and avoid it. I was already part way down the trail, right at the point the moguls started.

I have to admit I was a little apprehensive. I thought about trying it but there was so much traffic on the trail I figured I'd just be in someone's way. I proceeded to remove my skis, hoist them over my shoulder, and walk down the side of the trail until I found a blue trail where I could resume my skiing down the mountain.

You play tricks on my mind
You’re everywhere but you’re so hard to find
You’re not warm or sentimental
You’re so extreme, you can be so temperamental

But I’m not looking for a love that will last
I know what I need and I need it fast
Yeah, there’s one thing in common that we both share
That’s a need for for each other anytime, anywhere

Since it had been late in the afternoon and we had caught the end of the lift line on the way up the mountain, when I finally got down everyone else was waiting for me so we could leave. When we were on the way back to the lodge in the van, a couple of the guys mentioned seeing someone that they thought looked like me walking down the mountain carrying skis. They asked if it was me. I denied it. I don't know why. I don't think there was any reason I needed to deny it. It was just a reflex reaction. I think they believed me.

It gets so urgent
So urgent
You know it’s urgent
I wanna tell you it’s the same for me
So oh oh urgent
Just you wait and see
How urgent our love can be
It’s urgent

Last night during the mogul competition there was a commercial for a cell phone and/or service provider. They showed a guy holding his phone, listening to Foreigner's song Urgent.

That song was still a hit when I took that ski trip. Or in heavy rotation, or whatever you want to call it. They were still playing it at our high school dances and still playing it on the AM radio station in my small hometown.

You say it’s urgent
Make it fast, make it urgent
Do it quick, do it urgent
Gotta rush, make it urgent
Want it quick
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
So urgent, emergency

I hadn't thought about the high school ski trip story in years. At least 10 years or more. When I saw that commercial during the Olympics it brought the trip to memory. Those trips were some of the most fun I had in high school.

stop writing stopwatch: 10:23 P.M.
I made my 10 minutes! Let's see how long this lasts.

The rumors of my death...

2006-02-15T23:20:00.000-06:00

...have been greatly exaggerated.

[Insert obligatory self-flagellation post here about not keeping up the blog.]

I really, really, really want to improve my writing. The thing I can't seem to drill into my head is that I actually need to write in order to improve. Maybe it's sinking in now.

Over on Wil Wheaton's blog (what, you don't read Wil? I thought everyone read Wil) he discusses a daily writing exercise. Write 10 minutes a day, no matter what. I discussed a similar thing in a previous post. I guess I'm going to have to start doing that.

Be prepared for even worse crap than that which has appeared here before.

A chuckle from a stranger

2005-09-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

I'm up at my neighborhood coffee house with my laptop working on a software project. It's Tuesday night, so that means it's open mic night. The music is good tonight, as is typical. The first act is a regular guy with his acoustic guitar. He plays first every Tuesday night. He mixes original songs with some covers. It makes nice background music while working.

Tonight he played Spooky which has in it that 3 beat pause when the lyrics say "Stop". Well the first time he hit that spot I tapped on my laptop case 3 times with my index finger, filling in those 3 beats. Just wanted to do it for myself because I like to do that sort of thing. But this girl that is sitting at the counter nearby heard it, turned to look around the room, and chuckled quietly to herself. I don't know if she knows I did it - there are three of us in this area with laptops, and she can't see my hands from where she is sitting. But it still made me smile that I made a stranger chuckle.

I live for the laugh. It is a tough life, but someone has to do it.

Lyrics of the Day/Week/Month

2005-09-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

Music is a big part of who I am. I can't make music, but I love to listen to music. I especially love listening to the lyrics and figuring out what the artist is trying to say.

Tonight while working at home on a project, I was listening to my favorite radio station. A song that I've heard a lot of recently came on. It's Can I Leave My Head by The Peculiar People Band. It's got a good hook, and some catchy lyrics in the chorus. I pulled up the lyrics on the band's website to see exactly what they were saying. My favorite part:

All the things that I believe
Are molded by the things I hear
But what I hear and what I see
I do not want inside of me

I’ll leave my head here with you
It’s all I can do
There’s so much garbage in my brain
It’s driving me insane
I need a change in my life
Another device that can change
The demise of my mind

Can I leave my head
Can I leave my head
Can I leave my head here with you?
It’s all that I
All that I can do
All that I can do
All that I can do with my head
Is to leave it here

I have an ongoing debate with a Christian friend of mine about the validity of Christian rock (alt. rock/punk/all genres) music. He is of the opinion that it is just another way for Christians to separate themselves from the world. I, however, disagree. Sure, some will do that. But others will use this new music as a way to reach out to others. Or maybe as a "substitute" for the world's music that for some reason is not a healthy thing for them. I love rock/alt. rock/punk music, but so many secular songs have lyrics or themes that I don't need to be dwelling on. It's much healthier for me to be taking in things of God vs. things of this world.

The lyrics above make my point. Especially the first passage:

All the things that I believe
Are molded by the things I hear
But what I hear and what I see
I do not want inside of me

This is exactly the reason I want to listen to Christian rock/alt. rock/punk music. What I hear and what I see shapes me - or at least has the potential to. I know what I want and what I don't want to shape me.

Another reason to love Netflix

2005-09-05T15:30:00.000-05:00

I am a very satisfied Netflix customer. I was a member before Blockbuster had their dvd-by-mail service. Lots of things appealed to me and got me to try their service: a flat fee, handling it by mail, the "wishlist" of movies, and the fact they weren't Blockbuster.

Well, while catching up on the Hacking Netflix blog I saw this entry about how they are handling subscribers that are Katrina victims. The email said in part:

Dear Terry,
The U.S. Postal Service has let us know that postal delivery to your address has been interrupted due to Hurricane Katrina. All of us at Netflix extend our sympathies to you and your loved ones during this difficult time.

We want you to know that we have stopped billing your account and are in the process of issuing a refund of your last bill. When you are ready to resume your service, please visit the Netflix website, where you will have the option to restart deliveries. When you restart your service, your first month will be at no charge.

Am I benefiting from this? No. But I think it's a great way to run a company, and I'd like to think I'd do something similar if I were in a similar situation. And this makes me like Netflix even more.

iTunes wants to be my moral compass?

2005-09-01T19:47:00.000-05:00

This summer I went to New Orleans with my church youth group on a mission trip as an adult volunteer. I must say I had a somewhat bad attitude the week we were there. It was in July, in New Orleans, and as it turned out I worked outside all week. On top of that, the place we were staying essentially had no air conditioning - meaning techincally it had A/C and I'm sure it helped, but I don't think the temperature ever got below 85 degrees even in the middle of the night. But by the time I got home it was a life changing experience. More on that in a future post.

All that was to lead into this - we are all aware of the recent hurricane and the devistation it brought the gulf states area. Today I got an email from iTunes. Yes, I use iTunes and have an iPod. Anyway, this email from iTunes proceeded to inform me that there are lots of people in great need, and it might be a good idea if I donated to the Red Cross. Now, when I saw the message in my inbox I was hoping it was iTunes telling me that for the next X days, they would take Y% of their proceeds from selling music and donate it to the Red Cross for disaster relief. Unfortunately, no. They just wanted to suggest I donate. I was all ready to start up iTunes and buy some new music. I haven't bought any music from them simply because I refuse to buy music in a non-portable format. But for this I would have made an exception and bought several old songs I was interested in having. As in a dozen or more. But instead they decided to be my conscience. By the way iTunes, are you still selling gansta rap?

They might never get any of my money now.

The "Emerging" Church

2005-08-26T01:22:00.000-05:00

The "Emerging" Church. Why do I put "emerging" in quotes? Because I have a reflex response to buzzwords. I avoid them if at all possible without even trying. The term "emerging" refers to the current outreach movement, mostly by the evangelical part of the church, to those that the standard church service doesn't reach.

Aside of my distaste for the term "emerging", every time I read about a new way that some church or even group of believers reaches out to the unchurched and non-believers in some non-traditional way, I get very excited. Groups are having non-traditional church services and Bible studies in coffee houses, local pubs, even the occasional Hooters. I seem to have some deep passion for this, and I don't really know why. I've never felt called into any type of professional ministry role, yet every day I find myself trying to figure out a way to start some kind of church service or Bible study at the new local coffee house that opened up. I haven't figured it out yet, but I think about it daily.

Maybe this is due to the lack of success I've had getting my friends to go to my church with me on Sunday morning. I go to a "contemporary" service, using modern instruments, praise songs, and a much less formal atmosphere. But it is surrounded by the bastions of tradition (read: stuffy) and that just may be what scares people off.

A good friend of mine has a theory that Sunday has become the only real "day off" left in the world today. Working a traditional work week, then having a Saturday packed full of soccer games, baseball games, shopping, hobbies, etc. leaves just Sunday for resting. If Sunday was your only true day off, and you weren't yet part of the body of Christ, would you really want to get up at (or before) 8:00 am just to rush off and go to a church service? I really don't think I would.

There is also the bubble factor. We all go to our Sunday morning/evening/Wed evening church services and activities, and maybe even invite our friends, but what are we really doing to reach out to those that are literally dying to hear the Gospel? Did Jesus just hang out at the Temple, or did he go out where the sinners were? What should we do?

I need to find some way to get more invovled in reaching out to those that the traditional Sunday morning church doesn't reach. Suggestions welcome.

What inspired me to write about this? This post that Mark Lee's weblog pointed me to.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2005-08-24T23:55:00.000-05:00

First, my apologies to Charles Dickens.

I volunteer with the youth group at my church, and have for a little over 2 years. I work with the high school age group along with a paid staff member. Over the last 2 years, I've developed a great relationship with one of the guys in the group. He graduated last May, and is leaving on Friday to go to college in New York. He came by at the very end of the youth group meeting tonight to say goodbye. It was great to see him again, as he has been busy over the summer and I hadn't gotten many chances to talk to him. He, his girlfriend (who is staying behind), the staff member and myself went to a local restaurant to just hang out for a little while and enjoy each other's company one more time before he leaves. It was great to see him one last time.

I don't have any children of my own, and probably won't, but I can only imagine how much harder it must be for a parent to see their child go off to college. On one hand it's great that he's starting this new phase of his life. He got into a really great school for what he wants to study and I think he'll do very well. I'm so proud of him. On the other hand, it's sad that he won't be coming by every Wednesday night. He will definitely be missed.

After coming home and working on my side project for a bit I decided to log into the email account tied to this blog. I don't check it much since I've never really had any readers. Well, a very pleasant surprise was waiting for me in my mailbox. I received an email message from the author of another blog I had left a comment on and that author had come by and read some of my entries. My first reader! I shall celebrate by publishing this post and going to bed.

Learning To Write Hack #5 - Every Day

2005-08-22T21:26:00.000-05:00

After a long absence, I return to my reguritation of Mark Lee's excellent series of Songwriting Hacks modified to fit standard writing. As I've noted before, I'm not trying to just copy his work or anything - in fact, I refer frequently to the source of the material. By regurgitating and modifying his stuff, I learn the lessons better. I have to concentrate on what he's saying in order to be able to rewrite it to fit regular writing. And so far, the lessons have crossed over fairly easily, though I have a sneaking suspicion that may change in the future.

Today's hack is Ev'ry Day. I think I know why it took me so long to get back in this series - this is going to be the painful one to write about, because deep inside I know it's true and I have such a hard time making myself do it.

As I'm sure you can guess from the title, he stresses doing something every day. Even if it's something minor. It can be intimidating thinking you need to crank out several paragraphs as you make your way through your first million words. But his point is that you don't have to sit down to write every time. For songwriting, sit down and study some music. Pick out one little section and figure out what makes it good. The same applies to writing. Find someone else's writing you really enjoy reading, and study a small selection. Study how the sentences are structured, what the voice is, the phrasing, etc. What about it makes you really enjoy it? What can you learn from it?

I'd like to say I've been doing that. Well, in some way I'm sure I have as I have been doing a lot of reading, but I haven't really stopped and reread things several times to understand what I really like about it and why.

I will make an effort over the next 30 days to really study some writing I enjoy and figure out what makes me enjoy it so much.

*Note: Link goes to the general Creative Process category, as some permalinks seem to be broken on his blog now.

The Christian Rock Debate and Losing Focus

2005-08-22T20:30:00.000-05:00

Reading this post on one of my favorite blogs brought this topic to mind. Corey states:
"Apparently you couldn't talk about the saving grace of Jesus Christ while playing an electric guitar. It's a shame so much effort was wasted on frivolity while real people with real problems all around them needed real help."

Amen, brother. That is such an issue - but just one of many. Apparently you can't talk about the saving grace of Jesus Christ on a Saturday afternoon in an empty dowtown club. Or in a Saturday night church service with that same electric guitar and loud drums. Or a myriad of other things some people have problems with.

Now, I'm not advocating that the Gospel be compromised by any means. But it seems to me that whatever method you can use to get the message out, as long as that message isn't compromised, should be fine. Today's culture is burned out on Sunday-morning-sing-some-hymns-church. They need something that will reach them where they are. If that means backing it with the sound of an electric guitar, then so be it!

Another great evening

2005-08-17T21:45:00.000-05:00

I had another great evening tonight. I got lots of work done, and had a good time doing it.

I'm a software developer. I have a full time job, working for a software company. Recently a friend of mine, trying to get his own start up web application going, contacted me about helping out on a part time basis. I said I'd be happy to - a chance to learn a new technology (.Net - hadn't done any yet) while someone else paid me to do it. Plus the extra money would come in handy. The best part is I'm working on this project completely on my laptop, so I can work on it anywhere. So tonight I went down to the new neighborhood coffee house and worked on the project. Free wifi, free refills, and life is good for this software developer.

A great evening

2005-08-09T22:04:00.000-05:00

I just got home from one of the best evenings I've had in quite a long time. I had some plans with friends, but at the last minute I decided to take my wife out instead. We went to a neighborhood restaurant for dinner - a local place, started by families in the neighborhood. Had a good dinner. Then we went to the new local coffee house in the neighborhood. It has been open for a couple of months, but we hadn't made it in yet. It turns out that Tuesday evening is open mike night so we got to listen to some great acoustic guitar and vocals while enjoying our coffee. All in all, a great evening. I can't remember when I've had this much fun.

And about that new coffee house - I think I've found a new place to hang out.

Outstanding day today

2005-08-07T20:49:00.000-05:00

This has been an outstanding day today. A near perfect Sunday. Got up at a reasonable hour (8:00 am). Went to church. Went out for lunch after church for pizza. Came home after church, had a few Spaten Premium beers in the fridge. Nothing like an outstanding German lager on a hot day. A rainstorm came in the late afternoon. I went out on the back porch with my beer, watched it rain, and enjoyed the major temperature drop. All in all, an outstanding day.

I feel revived, refreshed, and ready to go back to work tomorrow.

Thank you God for this outstanding day.

Am I back?

2005-08-05T07:04:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been a while since I posted here. Major changes to my personal schedule, a couple of out of town trips, and losing my focus are the reasons, as poor as they are. The primary reason is losing my focus. I've never been a creative sort - at least creative in any of the arts. But lately I have felt a burning desire to learn to write. In some ways it's like exercising. I want to do it. I know how good I feel after I do it. But when that alarm goes off at 5:30 am, nagging me to get up and exercise, it is the last thing I want to do, even though I need it. I need to use muscles or lose them. Same with my writing muscle. I need to use it and develop it.

I've never really had a traditional artistic expression in my life. I am a software developer. I've been either playing or working with computers as far back as the 8th grade (and that was a LONG time ago). I had an immediate attraction to it. I guess in many ways that was my creative outlet. Creating a computer program that would make the machine do what I wanted to do. Some say, and I would agree, that there is a bit of art in writing a computer program. The way it is written, how the code is designed and laid out, and how elegantly it handles unexpected situations. But lately, that world has been less appealing to me. For the first time in my life I have been thinking of what I want to do next. I have over 15 years experience in my current line of work, but lately I've actually been looking forward to walking away from it all. Take a huge pay cut, maybe even 50% or more, to completely start over in some other area. What area? I don't know yet. I'm feeling pulled in 3 major areas: writing, photography, and music. Not in music as a performer, but in some other capacity. Somehow involved in the
burgeoning Christian alternative rock genre. I also work with the youth group at my church, and I love doing that, too. Maybe that is a fourth area?

Is God calling me away from my current line of work and into another? I hope it's him, since the desire is so strong. I feel like He is, though I can't really prove it. It's just a feeling I get. And as my wife will atest, I don't get feelings very often. When I get one, it's typically right on.

So here is where I learn to write. Time to set aside the distractions and get busy. And if anyone should happen by and become a regular reader, please hold me accountable. If a new entry doesn't show up for a couple of days, email me and nag me to write. I need it.

Learning To Write Hack #4: Your First Million Words

2005-06-03T07:56:00.000-05:00

In Mark Lee's excellent Songwriting Hack series, #4: 100 Songs is about getting experience writing. Write your first 100 songs. Get them out of the way. They will be bad at first, and get progressively better.

As it relates to writing, that is exactly the point of this blog. Writing my first million words, getting them out of the way, and hoping I get better as I go along.

Mark compares the process to learning to be a runner. The first day, when you make yourself go out and run, will be awful. You are out of shape. You aren't used to the exercise. You will ache when you're done. But you go out and do it again the next day. And the next. And the next. Eventually, it doesn't hurt so bad, and you've gotten better. You're in better shape. You develop your legs. Well, by writing you develop (for lack of a better term) your "pen". You also find your voice.

What is my voice? I'm still searching.

Learning To Write Hack #3: Read

2005-05-25T07:21:00.000-05:00

Continuing on a theme of borrowing from Mark Lee's excellent Songwriting Hack series. I read his entries, posted from experience. I gain from them what I can that applies to "regular" writing versus songwriting, and regurgitate it back here. Helps me remember it if I read, analyze, and write, but someone else may benefit as well. Plus, it gets me ever closer to those first million words.

The theme of his 3rd hack is Listen. Basically listen to lots of music. He provides a list of some of the best in certain genres. The same thing applies to writing. Read. Read. Read. Read. Read. Get it? READ.

Read all kinds of stuff. Mysteries. Science Fiction. Techno-thrillers. Short stories. Historical novels. History books (not textbooks). Magazine articles. Newspaper articles. As you read these things, analyze them. They will all be different, but have some things in common. Analyze the structure. A newspaper article will have a different structure than a magazine article, which will also differ from a novel. Each is different, but each is important.

While you read newspaper and magazine articles, think about why you read some to the end, and some you stop reading halfway through. Analyze the structure of each and find the differences.

As you start reading a new novel, see how long it takes you to decide if you will keep reading it or put it away. When were you hooked? When did you pass the point of no return - the point at which you must finish the book to see what happens? Did you ever get there? How far did you go before you gave up on it? Now compare the ones where you were hooked early and the ones where you never were hooked, and see what is different about them. Learn from the good as well as the not-so-good.

I do lots of reading. So much, in fact, that it often keeps me from posting here. I fire up the laptop in the morning after the house gets quiet, jump to my Bloglines account, and start reading, just knowing I'll find something to write about there. And I find lots of things to write about. The problem is, I just keep reading and reading. Then suddenly it's time to go to work, and I haven't posted anything.

Besides doing lots of reading, I do a wide variety of reading. I read professional news stuff. I read blogs of some very, very experienced writers that write very well. I read some blogs of some not-very-experienced writers that write very well. I also read some blogs of some not-so-experienced writers that don't write well at all. Why read the stuff that is poorly written? So I can analyze it and think how I would rewrite it to sound better. I learn as much from reading the poorly written stuff as I do from reading the well written stuff.

So, today's lesson? Read!

Third Day Recording?

2005-05-03T07:28:00.000-05:00

Mark Lee reports that he's "in Atlanta in the throes of recording this week." I assume he's talking about Third Day recording this week. That's great news! They're my favorite band, and I can't wait for a new album from them.

Wow - I reread that last paragraph and realized I really showed my age. Albums? I'm old.......

Learning To Write Hack #2

2005-04-26T07:23:00.000-05:00

Today we continue on the theme of morphing Mark Lee's Songwriting Hack series into a Learning to Write Hack series.

Songwriting Hack #2: Dream big, but keep it to yourself is the next entry in his series. This entry discusses the reasons to keep a dream, like learning to write songs, private initially. He discusses words of wisdom from both Hugh Hewitt and Dorothea Brande. Hugh Hewitt says that though you should strive for the Super Bowl equivalent of whatever field you are in (or want to be in), you don't announce that to the world in the beginning. Dorothea Brande says that "the average person writes just too much and not quite enough to have any great opinion of an author's life". She is basically saying that most people don't understand the writing process enough to have an appreciation for it. So, if you advertise your dreams to people - tell your friends you want to be a writer - they will stomp on your dreams. Sometimes it will be intentional, because they are jealous, or have no ambition of their own. Sometimes it will be unintentional, because it is just something that is too unfamiliar to them. For example, a good friend of mine has a young daughter. One day we were discussing careers, the future, college, etc. and he made the comment that he would not let his daughter go to college to study music or art. He would make her focus on some area that would provide better for future employment, and that she could study art or music in her spare time. I argued against that, saying that should she have a creative spirit like that then it should not be stifled.

This particular songwriting hack describes the reasons why this blog is set up the way it is. It is completely anonymous. Nothing here has any of my "real" contact information on it, though I do check the email address tied to this blog. Nothing else shows here - not my location, any part of my name, any links to any of my friends websites, etc. I haven't told anyone I know about this blog. I hope it will be gradually discovered by a few faithful readers who can provide good constructive feedback.

At the end of the entry, Mark Lee mentions that at some point a trusted mentor is needed. Someone who can provide loving and honest feedback. I will need one at some point, and I have a couple in mind. But for now, this is a big secret.

Great weekend

2005-04-24T22:08:00.000-05:00

It's the end of a great weekend. Two very relaxing days of great weather. Some yardwork occured, but it was fun. Grilled some, had some family over for dinner, sat in a comfortable chair outside and read, went to church, and basically enjoyed two days off work.

I hope your weekend was as good for you as mine was for me.

Learning To Write Hack #1.5

2005-04-22T07:55:00.000-05:00

The next hack that Mark Lee posted in his blog is Songwriting Hack #1.5: A Clarification. This post talks about how you can write songs without ever becoming a professional songwriter. Just because you never sell a song doesn't mean you can't keep writing just for yourself. How many people play golf every weekend? What percentage of those are doing it for a living? Well, the same thing applies to songwriting, and to writing in general.

I really need to keep this in mind as I go through this process. I may never, ever write anything anyone would pay money for, much less replace my current career with a writing career. But I must say that just the few posts I have made here have really been fun. I look forward to this time of the morning when I am the only one at home and I can log in, read a little bit of stuff online, and come here and write. And since the job tasks I have right now at work are often less than creatively challenging, it makes a great start to my day, too.

How to write

2005-04-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

Mark Lee plays guitar for my favorite band - Third Day. When I say favorite band, I mean the kind of band that whenever they come to town you get tickets. Every time. Whenever. No exceptions.

Mark has started a series of songwriting hacks. I don't aspire to be a songwriter, but as I've been reading the songwriting hacks I realize that they also apply to writing in general. His first hack is about starting a blog as a creative outlet and to get feedback. Also a good reason if you are learning to write in general. A creative outlet and good for feedback. That is, if you can get people to read it.

A nice quiet evening

2005-04-20T20:18:00.000-05:00

A rare thing is happening right now. I am home alone, the house is quiet, and I am in the backyard on my laptop enjoying a nice cool evening. I love this time of year. Absolutely love it.

I sit here as it starts to grow dark and look around my yard. So many things I see that I'd like to do to improve things back here. Simple things like mow the grass (it's getting to be that time of year), clean some leaves out of some flower beds, or make a new bed for some tomato plants, to semi-major projects like painting the garage or putting up gutters. And for the first time in years, I don't cringe at the thought. In the past I'd be doing those things alone, as my wife isn't one for yardwork. But right now I have a good friend in my life who likes to do these things, and with no home of his own enjoys helping me. All this time I thought I just didn't enjoy doing yardwork and things like that, but apparently I just don't enjoy doing them alone. Or with someone who feels like they have to do it. Doing it with someone who enjoys it is great!

So this Saturday, I plan on doing a few things around here. Probably not paint the garage or put up gutters, but hopefully the rest of those things. And there are a couple of other minor projects that need to get done, too.

Taxes

2005-04-20T07:30:00.000-05:00

They sent some Pharisees and followers of Herod to bait him, hoping to catch him saying something incriminating. They came up and said, "Teacher, we know you have integrity, that you are indifferent to public opinion, don't pander to your students, and teach the way of God accurately. Tell us: Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar or not?"

He knew it was a trick question, and said, "Why are you playing these games with me? Bring me a coin and let me look at it."They handed him one.

"This engraving--who does it look like? And whose name is on it?"

"Caesar," they said.

Jesus said, "Give Caesar what is his, and give God what is his."

Their mouths hung open, speechless

Mark 12L13-17 from The Message

Since I last posted I have paid my taxes. Everyone files their tax return, but some people get a refund, while others pay even more than what was withheld. Last year I was in the former category, and this year in the latter. Didn't have to pay much, and why I had to pay more, while having the maximum withheld from both my and my wife's income, is a long and tedious story that I will spare you. It would help against my first million word count, for sure, but on the off chance someone drifts by I don't want to run them off with that dry story.

As if this post wouldn't run them off anyway. Heh.

Loving your wife

2005-04-13T21:33:00.000-05:00

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting.

Ephesians 5:25 (The Message)

I am having a real struggle with this right now. Not with loving my wife. I love her very much. But loving her as Christ loved the church -- a love marked by giving and not getting. There are parts of our personalities that are polar opposites. In some areas it is no problem. In others, it is a real problem. I was raised with a very strong work ethic, as in no "playing" before the work is done. She, on the other hand, apparently was not raised that way. This can (and is currently) causing conflicts. I know I'm not handling it right, but I don't really know how to resolve it in light of the verse above. Any tips?

How will anyone see if you don't shine your light?

2005-04-09T21:30:00.000-05:00

I teach a Sunday School class at my church. Well, using the word teach is a stretch. I facilitate a Sunday School class at my church. The class is for high school youth. Basically I pick a song every week and prepare a handout that has the artist name, album name, song title, album cover art, and lyrics. Typically I pick a Christian alternative rock song, but not always. Not always alternative rock, and not always Christian (as labeled by the music industry). This week, as I was going through some of my new CDs trying to pick a song, I listened to the song "Are You Real" by KJ-52 from his new album Behind the Musik. Yes, I know, it's hip-hop. But my main motivation for doing this class is to connect with the youth. Listen to the styles of music they are listening to, and relating to them on their level. So, I'm listening to hip-hop. And actually, this song isn't that bad. It even features the singer from one of my favorite bands, Kutless.

As I listen to this song, something struck me hard. In the last verse (is it even called a verse in hip-hop?), there were the following lines:

they're too worried about what people thinking of they life
how can you fight if you won't lay down your pride
and how will anyone see if you won't shine your light
so many of your friends is walking around blind
and you've got the source that can open up their eyes.

Ouch. I knew I'd been feeling a little far away from God lately, but that really hit home. It's time to get back to shining my light.

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:16 (New International Version)

Or, from a translation I prefer most of the time:

Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand--shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:16 (The Message)

Posting via email, and RSS feeds

2005-04-05T08:10:00.000-05:00

I tried sending in a test post via email, and it has never shown up. Not published, and not even in the list in draft mode waiting to be published. I sent the email from the email account attached to this blog, and sent it to the email address established in the settings to send posts to for publishing. I'm not sure what the problem is. If anyone out there has experience setting up blogger to accept and publish posts sent in via email, please comment here.

In addition, I have enabled the RSS feed for this blog, and subscribed to my own blog in Bloglines. For some reason, Bloglines never shows that new posts have appeared, but if I click the blog name link, new posts in the feed show up. Why does it not notify me that new posts have been made? It apparently is getting the RSS feed since the posts show up when I click the blog name.

Writing about writing, and not writing

2005-04-01T07:25:00.000-06:00

In my desire to keep this something other than a "I had a sandwich for lunch then went to a movie" type of blog, I have managed to not post at all. This, of course, breaks the first rule of writing which is to write. If all I have to talk about is my lunch, then I should still write about it. It's about writing, and getting those first million words out, rather than what I'm writing about.

I think about this blog, and what to write, almost every day. The problem is that I typically think about it, and get inspired to write, in the middle of the afternoon. Why is this a problem? In the middle of a weekday afternoon I am at work. I am intentionally keeping this blog anonymous, at least for now, so I can feel more open here, so posting from work is not the optimal situation. People could come into my cube while I'm posting, resulting in questions. And, of course, there is the ever-vigilant IT department that monitors and logs all internet traffic. Then, upon arriving home in the evening, there are typically other things to demand my attention. I understand there is a way to post to the blog via email, so I need to get that set up. That will make posting much easier.

As far as a topic goes, I think I will focus on information about writing for the most part. I've been finding some information online recently about writing, and since that is my focus here that should provide much fodder about which I can ramble on and on.

Ok, enough rambling about that. I've now done the obligatory "Sorry for not posting more" blog post, and promise to refrain from this kind of post in the future. Worst case I'll just link back to this entry.

Now, off to work for the day. As soon as I figure out how to post via email.