The Practice of Secrecy

That is the subtitle of the chapter I referred to in an earlier post. A chapter of this book. The entire title is A Life of Freedom: The Practice of Secrecy. The entire book is about various spiritual disciplines.

This chapter, in a nutshell, talks about approval addiction. As I was reading the chapter, it dawned on me that it was describing me. Now, it's not an addiction like you typically think of when people are talking about other types of addiction, such as alcohol or drug addiction. It's just describing a need to have other's approval. I definitely have that need.

The chapter did make me realize that I do seek other's approval, though. And it hit me hard. I really live in this world quite a bit. And it expresses itself in many, many ways.

This chapter put into words better than I've been able to one reason I do this blog in "secret". I don't want people who know me to read what I write and not approve of either it or me. I haven't yet figured out what in my childhood, or even my adult past, has made me feel this way.

The core issue here is that we should really only care about God's opinion or approval. The approval of the world doesn't matter. We are Christ's own, and that is what's important. The author quotes Henri Nouwen:

At issue here is the question: "To whom do I belong? To God or to the world?" Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me....Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves.

This is where the spiritual discipline kicks in. The Practice of Secrecy. Do good deeds for others with no recognition. Don't trumpet it to others when you do service, fast, or pray. Do what you do for God to see and no one else. I don't typically have issues with this. I go on mission trips, do service work, etc. and really don't tell anyone about it. Obviously the people on the trip or at the charity with me see me, and my wife knows where I go and what I do simply because she needs to know that stuff. But I don't go back to work and talk about it, or tell friends about it, or anything else. Nevertheless, approval is still important to me.

I must continue to seek God's help with this. Please pray for me.