Should this offend me?

After my first post about Prosper, I got a comment from the person who thought I was a spammer with some "what-ifs" about Prosper. Well, after posting my update today, I had blogger send a note to him to tell him it was an update. I sent the following note along with the link:

I posted an update on my experience with Prosper.com and thought you might be interested. My apologies if you aren't. If you aren't, please let me know and I won't update you in the future.

I got the following response from him:

Best of luck with it. I have no interest in hearing any more about it, but thanks.

I guess it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I must say it is bothering me. Though it is polite, I guess I just got the feeling over the years of reading his blog that he was a friendlier guy than that. Or am I just too concerned with approval as I discussed in this post?

All comments welcome - thanks.

Update on Prosper

I just thought I'd give a little update on my experience with Prosper so far. I posted about it earlier, primarily as a response to another blogger who (I assume) deleted a comment I made about it thinking I was spamming for it. I got responses from others that it sounded interesting, so I decided to do a followup post.

I bought into my first loan a couple of weeks ago. I bought in for $50.00 to a $15,000 loan that will pay back to me 20% interest. It is a 3 year loan (as they all are at Prosper) and will pay me back $1.88 per month for 36 months unless it is paid off early. He actually mentioned in his posting that he hoped to pay it back early, and that is one reason I picked it - it would make a good trial run. If it is paid out over the whole 3 years, that $50.00 investment will pay back to me $67.68. A decent investment I believe. The first payment is due to me 9/22/2006 and I will update here as things progress.

I also recently got a newsletter from Prosper (they do this regularly) that informed me about a new publicly available page at Prosper.com about their loan performance and deliquency numbers. This is information about all outstanding loans, and is searchable by date range, etc. Check it out here if number crunching is your thing.

Again, I get absolutely no kick back from Prosper for this. They aren't paying me for "blog ads" or anything. In fact, I doubt they even know I'm writing about them. It just sounds like an interesting idea and something I'm willing to toy with. I'll let you know how it goes.

The Practice of Secrecy

That is the subtitle of the chapter I referred to in an earlier post. A chapter of this book. The entire title is A Life of Freedom: The Practice of Secrecy. The entire book is about various spiritual disciplines.

This chapter, in a nutshell, talks about approval addiction. As I was reading the chapter, it dawned on me that it was describing me. Now, it's not an addiction like you typically think of when people are talking about other types of addiction, such as alcohol or drug addiction. It's just describing a need to have other's approval. I definitely have that need.

The chapter did make me realize that I do seek other's approval, though. And it hit me hard. I really live in this world quite a bit. And it expresses itself in many, many ways.

This chapter put into words better than I've been able to one reason I do this blog in "secret". I don't want people who know me to read what I write and not approve of either it or me. I haven't yet figured out what in my childhood, or even my adult past, has made me feel this way.

The core issue here is that we should really only care about God's opinion or approval. The approval of the world doesn't matter. We are Christ's own, and that is what's important. The author quotes Henri Nouwen:

At issue here is the question: "To whom do I belong? To God or to the world?" Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me....Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves.

This is where the spiritual discipline kicks in. The Practice of Secrecy. Do good deeds for others with no recognition. Don't trumpet it to others when you do service, fast, or pray. Do what you do for God to see and no one else. I don't typically have issues with this. I go on mission trips, do service work, etc. and really don't tell anyone about it. Obviously the people on the trip or at the charity with me see me, and my wife knows where I go and what I do simply because she needs to know that stuff. But I don't go back to work and talk about it, or tell friends about it, or anything else. Nevertheless, approval is still important to me.

I must continue to seek God's help with this. Please pray for me.

Dusting off keyboard

Well, I'm dusting off my keyboard and trying to get back in the habit of writing here. As I mentioned before, I got a new Moleskine notebook (the larger kind) with lined pages. I also have a nice fountain pen. And I have yet to use either. Well, I have used the fountain pen - just testing it out and getting the ink flowing again. And I guess I actually have written in my notebook - I wrote inside the cover where you put your name and phone number to let people know where to return it if it is lost. I think I am actually scared of the notebook. I feel all this pressure to make whatever I write be perfect. And this notebook is on the edge of dangerous. If I start really writing what I think and feel, and people get hold of it and read it, that could be embarrassing. I feel safer writing here than in that notebook.

All is not dead on the writing front. I started another blog, one that is "public" - that my friends and family know about. I started it primarily because when I found interesting stuff on the web (via weblogs, email, whatever) I would email a note and a link to friends and family that might be interested. Later I'd mention it to someone I didn't email it to, and they were interested as well. That made me decide to start a blog where I just post these short notes and links so whoever wanted to see them, could. I then notified my friends and family that rather than get notes from me when I found something interesting, they'd just need to read my blog instead. It has worked out ok so far. I've even branched out a bit and posted a few other things, like a review of a CD a friend loaned me (they really, really) wanted to know what I thought), some thoughts about some scripture I read during my recent quiet time, and things like that. So at least I've been writing somewhere).

Other great news. One of my favorite bloggers to read, God's Child, has come back online with a blog. She had one going for a bit and I was just about to add it to my list on the left when she decided to take it down. I emailed her and asked about it, and it was the right thing to do for her at the time. Well, I got a note from her (actually a comment on my last post) and she's back now - so go check it out. And I just love the name of it - Radio Ventriloquist!

I still owe the post on the chapter in that book - I'll be working on it next.

Oh, and an update on Prosper, and a review of Fighting Instinct for Corey.